After watching the spectacle of blame unfold during the days following the tragic January 8th Tucson shootings, one angry community is no longer biting its tongue. Saying it will no longer be victimized by political opportunists on the left, the Word community has finally broken its long taciturnity.
An estimated 5,000 very upset words held a rally today in the plaza directly across from the national headquarters of the American Library Association at 50 E. Huron Street in Chicago. The keynote speakers of the group–which calls itself Words of Wisdom (WOW)–were WOW President, the Honorable word Reason, and Vice-President and WOW Founder, the Venerable word Ridiculous.
Reason–a bespectacled old word with a long gray beard–took the podium first. “This just doesn’t make any sense,” argued the six-letter noun.
“Not only is there no demonstrable nexus between the demented shooter and the Tea Party or Sarah Palin, there’s absolutely no proof that the curtailment of free speech will result in fewer crimes of this sort in the future. Civility is nice, my fellow Words–but liberty is nicer.”
The crowd–many of them prepositions, conjunctions, or mere adverbs who came out of a sense of semantic solidarity–cheered in enthusiastic support. “Wooooohoooo!” screamed Exclamation from the back. “Save free speech!” hollered Indignation. “Screw the frickin’ censors!” Vulgarity bellowed.
After Reason’s opening statement, Ridiculous made her way to the podium. Clad in a Lady Gaga meat-dress and light fur, once she opened her mouth, Ridiculous–thankfully–did not live up to her name.
“As those who know me can confirm, I grew up with Silly and Stupid. Silly and Stupid are friends of mine. But John King’s apologizing on CNN the other night after one of his guests uttered the name of my good friend Crosshairs was about the Silliest, Stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my Ridiculous life.”
This triggered–oops–engendered a loud round of applause and chants of “Crosshairs! Crosshairs!” until Propriety stepped up to silence the crowd. “Please, ladies and gentlemen, please. Kindly allow Ridiculous to finish her remarks.” The crowd became more pacific, and Ridiculous continued: “And this Paul Krugman genius, this New York Times nutbag….I mean, if he and I ever got married, I’d make him take my name, because, let’s face it, he has to be the most Ridiculous man EVER to win a Nobel Prize.” (Again, the crowd went berserk.) “Correction…the second most Ridiculous man ever to win a Nobel Prize. I forgot about Carter.”
And so the two-hour demonstration continued. The weather may have been cold, but the rhetoric was piping hot. Granted, the indefinite article An didn’t have much to say on the subject, and Short was curt. But there was quite an interesting colloquy between Wisdom and Outrage. I got a full transcription later from WOW secretary Verbatim. Here’s how that dialogue concluded:
OUTRAGE: Rahm Emanuel has officially become the left’s Paul Revere of Censorship. “Never let a good crisis go to waste.” Hmff! As long as we’re banning words, why don’t we ban all the four-letter ones? Then let’s just watch Potty-mouth Emanuel try to get a full sentence out. We can start by banning the proper noun Rahm!
WISDOM: Calm down, my seven-letter friend. As the Good Book says, “This too shall pass.” If liberals actually ever read books (not to mention the bills they pass), they might have learned that censorship was an issue way back when poet John Milton staunchly opposed it in 17th century England. In fact, in his famous Areopagitica speech condemning censorship, Milton said “As good almost kill a man as kill a good book.” He didn’t say, “As good almost pinch a man as pinch a good book,” did he? No, my worked-up Websterian fellow, fear not. Fools and dullards have tried to shut us up before. And they will doubtless try again. But as long as there are beautiful, pious, moral Words such as Reason, Outrage and Ridiculous, they’ll never succeed. Because, in the end, Milton was right: killing a good book–or even just the good words that make up the sentences in a good book–is just the same as killing a person. If these liberals were smart, they’d ban Stupidity–not Words. But then they’d be out of a job, wouldn’t they?
And thus went the very inspirational ending to a very inspirational assembly. We’ll let you know when and where the next Words of Wisdom rally will be held. It’s a sure-fire thing–can we say that?–that you’ll be WOWed.
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