Mainstream Reporters Mock Rand Paul, Campaign Before Launch

AP Photo/Andrew A. Nelles
AP Photo/Andrew A. Nelles

Mainstream reporters — who are four times more likely to vote for Democrats than Republicans — want voters to know that Sen. Rand Paul is a complete joke and will never win the presidency.

Before officially announcing his candidacy for the GOP presidential nomination, Paul posted a heads-up on his Website, along with links to clever campaign merchandise. For example, the practicing ophthalmologist posted an eye chart that reads, “Dr. Rand Paul For President, Defeat The Washington Machine.” The rest of the font is too small to read without glasses. Nice touch.

Nicholas “Whites Just Don’t Get It” Kristof of the New York Times flapped his arms frantically at the news, signaling to other tweeters to move along and chirp more about how Immigration Enriches Us.

A Dad-joke of a campaign email headline is so lame, say reporters who aren’t at all projecting their childhood disappointments onto male Republican politicians.

But Rand Paul is the one with daddy issues, you see, because he’s related to a former presidential candidate who baffles reporters by taking politically unorthodox positions.

Now that’s some Real Talk, quoted approvingly by the same reporter who reflexively labelled Paul’s five minute-old candidacy a “troll.”

None of these reactions are surprising. Republicans are either a swing vote away from donning a KKK hood and lighting a cross on the White House lawn, or they’re an LOL-and-a-half to reporters. To convince reporters that you’re a flesh-and-blood human being and not a weird caricature, you have to be savvy in your consultant hires. You have to share the same foibles as the rest of us — like, how do I get my Gmail and AOL accounts on the same phone?!

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