Kentucky Senator Rand Paul delivered his first gift of the holiday season with a Twitter storm of Festivus Tweets, including the “airing of grievances,” and it’s the best thing you’ll see from Washington all day.
The Kentucky Republican and one-time GOP candidate for president started out wishing fans a happy Fetivus.
Good morning Seinfeld fans and Happy Festivus everywhere! Today I'll have my annual #AiringofGrievances. Join me here throughout the day…
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
Stay tuned to celebrate #festivus with me. I got a lot of problems with you and now you're gonna hear about them #HappyFestivus
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
Hello again, I hope everyone is having a Happy Festivus! It's once again time for my annual #AiringofGrievances… pic.twitter.com/pZfRtAUtZN
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
Then came some jabs, jokes, and ribbing for Washingtonians and the media…
On the media & #fakenews: Festivus is real, media, so don't try 2 fact check it. And @TheOnion is more accurate than a Brian Williams report
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
New administration is lookin good. Haven't seen this many billionaires in 1 place since I staked out Bilderbergs w/ Alex Jones. Good times.
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
.@peterthiel is advising the President Elect. That's great. But his plan 2 make the Statue of Liberty into a digital stop sign is a bit much
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
I know I've said a lot about @AmbJohnBolton so you're probably expecting me 2 say something nice for the holidays. Nope. #AiringofGrievances
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
My favorite Cabinet pick is what's his name, umm it's that guy who wanted to eliminate the Dept. of @ENERGY. Hang on I'll think of it…
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
New administration has some great people. But I wanna know who has to tell @realdonaldtrump he can't build a golf course on the South Lawn?
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
I've only just begun. I'll be back to talk waste, more gov grievances and nonbinding resolutions against my Senate colleagues #HappyFestivus
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
And then came the traditional airing of grievances featuring some of the worst waste and abuse in D.C. …
What do sea monsters, a superhero cartoon in Pakistan & gambling habits of Ugandans have in common? It's time for more #AiringofGrievances!
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
The national Park Service announced a grant 2 study “Knowledge, Experience and Beliefs of the Supernatural Environment.” #AiringofGrievances pic.twitter.com/8XVRwhdKe3
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
I bet you didn't know the federal government is using $30,000 of your taxes to study Ugandan gambling practices. #AiringofGrievances pic.twitter.com/OMbLtDxKTE
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
The Department of State, is advertising a $1.25 million grant opportunity to produce a superhero cartoon in Pakistan. #AiringofGrievances pic.twitter.com/Pyheyqa1mo
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
Those are just a few examples. Our hard-earned money is wasted everyday while our citizens, vets & infrastructure suffer #AiringofGrievances
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
For those of you "media" writing serious stories about my Festivus jokes, I don't even know what to say, just stop…#AiringofGrievances pic.twitter.com/Fvw6nKbGp8
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
Speaking of fake drama, this administration is the first to include 2 @WWE hall of famers. My grievance is, why isn't Mean Gene press sec?
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
I'm very sorry to have been the one to tell @jackhunter74 pro wrestling is not real in that last tweet.
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
Also, for those who think @WWE is real, I'm very sorry Bernie Sanders lost.
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
Of course here in our own office my adviser @dougstafford thinks the @nyjets are real too. I can't convince him or Woody otherwise…
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
Sticking with sports for a minute, I have an idea for @HBO: hard knocks, congressional baseball version.
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
They follow as a bunch of old guys who didn't play ball in college attempt to not break themselves each year for charity #AiringofGrievances
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
Great, now I'm proposing reality shows too. The new environment in DC is catching…#AiringofGrievances pic.twitter.com/m8QfTN8Zf9
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
We’ve got a lot of problems w/ how our tax dollars are spent & you've only heard about some. But I'm not done yet…https://t.co/U22SbuFrkd pic.twitter.com/KZKJYiI2Xk
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
Paul also wanted to remind everyone that Washington needs some fun once in a while.
I'm grateful you've followed along with me today as in last years. I try to have fun sometimes. This town needs it.
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
But another Festivus tradition is the showing of “Feats of Strength”:
I decided I'd take on someone who thought he was a tough guy. Bring it, @SenatorReid #featsofstrength pic.twitter.com/RzwWeLnXPx
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
I was gonna pick Mitch, but every time I tried to bring it up the Capitol Police kept getting twitchy. Sorry guys.
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
The Senator then resumed with the light-hearted jabs and jokes on his colleagues:
A few years ago I complained that my colleague @CoryBooker didn't retweet me enough. Apparently he can't take a hint. #AiringofGrievances
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
On a positive note, since that exchange @CoryBooker & I have worked on many criminal justice bills, proving Festivus brings us all together.
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
My other colleagues @SenMikeLee & @SenTedCruz are rumored to be on the Supreme court short list. @survivorcbs is gonna be so nerdy this year
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
But I'm upset VP & cabinet wasn't picked w/ a reality show. I would have watched. You would have too, don't deny it. #AiringofGrievances
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
I'm gonna have to stop tweeting about Festivus soon, @FoxNews just asked me to come on & talk about my own personal #WaronChristmas. Rude.
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
For the folks at @MSNBC, that was a joke.
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
What's NOT a joke is wasteful spending & the fact that I wish you all a Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays. Hope you enjoyed Festivus w/ me.
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
But if al this Festivus stuff makes you raise an eyebrow, the Senator also had a Christmas message, too:
I'll be celebrating Christmas with my family this weekend. We wish you a merry Christmas if you are too.
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2016
Merry Christmas and a happy Festivus from Senator Rand Paul, America.
Follow Warner Todd Huston on Twitter @warnerthuston or email the author at igcolonel@hotmail.com.
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