“We’re here today, Mr. President, about the project that is due our studio, …on your contract,” the man with rectangular blue Goutier glasses crisply announces to the gathered party of the President and his people. He adds, “I assume Mr. Emanuel explained everything to you… Sir.
According to our pre-election agreement Mr. President, our television divisions were to provide you with substantially positive coverage, while at the same time focusing on the fringe of the losing party, and their…. ‘ideas.’ You know the birth certificate thing, the anti-Christ, …yada.”
(Smiles and chuckles about the room.)
“Ha! They just keep playing into our hands,” David Axelrod taps the President on the shoulder as he crosses the Oval Office. The President limps a tired thumbs up and a half hearted off-camera smile towards his Chief of Staff, but his focus remains on the young studio executive.
The executive continues; “We have here several scripts which we would like you to look through. All are favorable to you of course, and you’ll have final approval of the script and be able to see a preview of the film for any notes that you might have for us.”
“Notes?” President Obama asks.
“Notes, yes… creative suggestions, such as louder music there, or less laughter there, or cut that scene shorter…you know …notes. Now today, we’re here to run some titles by you and then possibly zero in on one…or two,” the smart executive advises.
So, here we are – I’ll just read them off and then give a brief synopsis of the plot.
First we have; “A Tree Grows in Chicago”
We figured we could ‘split-screen’ the planting of an acorn, with the rise of a community organizer. Great imagery. Big, big sweeping score, a real tear-jerker. An edgy kind of modern urban-type John Ford film. It’s really a kind of a poem. Denzel, of course.
“Whistle Stop”
A bit of fun, kind of edgy-type drama picture. The inauguration train gets stopped by crazed Palin whackos, Michelle gets a little heroically violent with them and saves the day by tricking them into confessionals at a Baltimore church,… then locking them in. Also, a bit of comic relief when the VP finds the key to the bar car.”
(Guffaws about the room)
“Denzel?” Asks the President.
“Denzel, oh yes.” The young man assures.
“The Two O’s”
Oh, this is pure heaven. Two stories that meet in the end. Oprah’s struggle to media superiority, and a young handsome man from Hawaii’s rise to the Presidency. Of course, Oprah will play herself, (except for the young girl parts), and you are yes; Denzel… of course.
“The Stinkers”
Oh, this one is fun. This is a Bush-bash from beginning to end! (Laughter) We open with Bush being really mean to the staff at the White house. He does all this mean crap, and then he curses out and kicks a gardener who’s down on his hands and knees toiling on the South Lawn.
“I heard he did that.” interjects an intern. (Most folks nod seriously in agreement.)
“There’s a montage part of the evil Bush presidency,” he continued, “and eventually after expeditiously exposing all the horror, the story takes on a bit of creative license with a hopeful peak into the future: The jailing of every single member of the Bush cabinet.”
“Not Gates or Powell, okay?” cautions the President.
“Ahhh notes! Okay. (The producer jots some notes in the, margin of the script.) Well, then of course Cheney and Bush get convicted of war crimes.” (More heads nod in agreement with smiles around the room.)
“Where do I come in this picture?” Asks the President.
“Well in this one you just make a very important appearance at the end. The climax of the film is you thankfully In the Oval Office, pondering a pardon of Bush and Cheney. We don’t exactly give the answer. But as you lift your pen to check either the ‘yes’ box, or the ‘no’ box on the pardon form, we fade out, then dolly onto the South Lawn. There we see the Bush-abused gardener snaring animals in a trap. We then reveal he’s just caught two big skunks! (Raucous laughter) I think you get the idea.”
“Groundsweller”
This is a pure winner. Part documentary and part drama. We will use footage from the campaign, rallies, bus trips, coffee shops, you name it. A real Beatle-mania style, super energy movie. Fans, hugs, songs, tears of ground swelling excitement building, building, building to election day! We have some inside video that’s not very favorable to the McCain/Palin camp and we will show it in this film for the first time. Big tease in the ads and trailers. Should be an eye opener. Pure edgy stuff.
“You gotta be careful this one is not too Riefenstahl like,” cautions Ram Emanuel.
Who? Asks the Hollywood executive.
“Anyway I’ll just leave these with you for you to look over. Please call us if you have any ideas or any more of those pesky notes!” the executive perks as he slaps his knees in meeting-ending fashion”
‘Umm, I have a note now…’ asks the President. ‘…Can my lines be on a teleprompter, I mean on the set, or whatever, uh, can the lines be prompted?
“Well yes, sure, Mr. President, but usually you will have time to learn your lines before the cameras roll. We won’t be going live anywhere – like on television.”
“Hey, come on, I don’t have time to read my health-care bill, how am I gonna have time to read my script?”
With that the young producer bids his goodbyes and exits the White House. As he leaves the doors, he is immediately on his cell phone calling in to the studio.
“Nah, this thing isn’t gonna happen. We should have done it before the election. They’ve peaked. And I think he’s gonna be a problem… keeps saying Denzel. Sh*t-can all the scripts but don’t tell the writers, string them along with re-writes just in case. Take the White House’s calls too, but just stall them,… I don’t know, insult the Republicans, I guess. We better go with the crazy chef movie. Okay I’m wheels up in 20. Later.”
COMMENTS
Please let us know if you're having issues with commenting.