Cameron Thinks 'Avatar' is a Franchise. Film Geek Says 'No!'

Power up your TARDIS, turn on your lightsaber, and set your phasers to stun because we are about to geek out kids.

Not content with making over $2 billion worldwide, James Cameron is re-releasing “Avatar” in theaters. Supposedly, a lot of people couldn’t see it in 3D because there were other films in theaters at that time hogging up half the screens. How dare they? Who do those people think they are?

In the same L.A. Times interview where Mr. Cameron explains his re-release rationale, he opines that he is making a franchise with “Avatar” that will compete with the works of Tolkien. He thinks the story of the Cat Smurfs will have the same staying power as “Star Wars.”

This die-hard film geek and sci-fi fan begs to differ.

Great franchises need amazing worlds, rich characters, and far reaching themes. They also need to have a first episode that strikes a deep chord in the fan community. You know, the complete opposite of “Avatar.”

Part of what makes a franchise successful is that the audience doesn’t merely want to watch the world of the film, they want to live in the world of the film. Who wouldn’t want to go to Hogwarts and learn to cast spells? Who hasn’t picked up a flashlight and spun it around, humming, like it was a lightsaber? Who wouldn’t want to serve aboard a starship commanded by James T. Kirk, traveling to the far corners of the galaxy? Well, as long as you’re not wearing a red shirt that is…

But the neon, glowing world of Pandora with its freaky dog things, flying dragons, and feline hippies doesn’t constitute an entire world that any one would really want to inhabit. Sure, it may be cool to visit, like San Francisco, but could you really see yourself living there? It’s like visiting the Amazon. Great fun while you’re on vacation, but living in a hut and fighting off giant spiders every day would get old. “Avatar” also lacks the detailed “rule system” and history that outlines every great franchise. The world of “Avatar,” despite the eye candy, functions like our world. Where are the Jedi’s with their powers, history and rules? Where is the “sorting hat” that dictates a future wizard’s destiny?

On top of that, none of the people that inhabit that world are very inspiring or memorable. Part of the desire to live in the Dr. Who world is that you can hang with the Doctor and Captain Jack Harkness and help them battle the evil Daleks. Han Solo is a great character to watch, but he’s also the kind of guy you want to booze with at the Cantina. Great franchises, with their well crafted worlds and memorable characters inspire us to wonder “what happens next?”. Not so much with “Avatar.” Outside of some cool plant life, there’s nothing about that world that captures the imagination. On top of that, the characters are completely lame. As one message board poster over at joblo.com noted, “In Avatar you can either be a one-dimensional human asshole, or a one-dimensional blue asshole.” True that. Double true.

Leftist inspired films are always weak on theme. The stories that champion the human spirit and encourage us to embrace ideas larger than ourselves are inherently romantic and conservative. That’s a point I’ve made before and it bears repeating. At the core of all the great franchises are very conservative ideals. Now, you might say that “Dances with Smurfs” has them. It’s about protecting your family. It’s about sacrifice. I made the point earlier that Cameron had, in many ways, made a film that resonates with conservative and libertarian viewers. But, he seems hellbent on marginalizing the romanticism and deeper ideas in his film. By constantly harping on how the film is a “metaphor” for the War on Terror or that George Bush is responsible for “Avatar” he leads us to surmise that future episodes of the series with be even more on the nose and tied to leftist politics. Perhaps Sully will help the Na’vi get single payer health care in part two? We can only hope.

At the end of the day, “Avatar” wasn’t an inspirational film or one that fans really latched on to. It made a ton of money, but that was due to the hype and spectacle of the film. We all wanted to see what a film with a $500 million budget looked like. There was a lot of talk about the R&D that went into the film’s 3D. Was it worth it? Was it that good? Plus, Cameron, a reliable director and fan favorite, hadn’t made a film in over 10 years. What took him so long?

Those motivations fed “Avatar”‘s box office, not the story or the characters. I always laugh when leftists point to “Avatar” as proof that lefty films sell. Other than opening the dictionary and pointing to the word “aberration,” the only thing that I can say to them is that “Avatar” was sold as an “event.” The content was irrelevant. Politics had nothing to do with it. Furthermore, when adjusted for inflation, “Avatar” is number 14 on the list of highest box office grosses. That number doesn’t count the fact that 3D ticket prices were 20-30% higher depending on the theater. If we count the butts in seats, “Avatar” would probably fail to crack the top 20 in audience attendance. It would fall somewhere between “Mary Poppins” and “Grease.” Hardly the type of film that has audiences clamoring for the further adventures of the self-hating Marine and his FernGully-esque girlfriend (although “Grease 2” was FABULOUS!).

Unless Mr. Cameron can get his buddies in Washington to help “level the playing field” by forcing George Lucas to make more prequels, or strong arm Peter Jackson into adding an oil spill in his upcoming adaptation of “The Hobbit”,,he will be out of luck. He need not worry about “competing” with the great franchises in film history. To quote Private Will Hudson in “Aliens”; “Game over, man!”

An “Avatar” franchise is about as worthless as a slingshot in a battle against a Nazgul. It is as useless as a handgun in a fight with a Sontaran. It’s several jigawatts shy of enough power to ignite a Flux Capacitor. It’s as futile as trying to hit Warp Factor 9 without a properly charged dilithium crystal.

I warned you it was going to get geeky in here.