There's a Republican Party, There's a Democrat Party, There Is No 'Tea Party'

Am I the only one who feels like yanking my teeth out with needle nose pliers when he hears questions about what the ‘Tea Party’ is up to? What candidate they’ll promote, which direction they’ll move next, and how the ‘Tea Party will influence upcoming election? Am I the only one? Okay, let’s clear this up – (unless of course I’ve taken too many rim shots to the head and have simply lost my mind, but)… there is no ‘Tea Party.’


It is not a political party. Tea Parties are political gatherings in which concerned and outraged American citizens express their outrage at government spending and crippling legislation and reaffirm collectively their devotion to American Constitutional values.

But there is no Tea Party, there is no Conservative Party, and there is no Liberal Party. We have basically a two-party political system, the Democrats and the Republicans. All other ‘parties’ act as spoilers in political elections. Third party candidates end up swaying election results as to hurt the very people they were hoping to help: themselves. They split the vote. Witness two past presidential election votes in which Ross Perot split the Republican vote, awarding both elections to the Democrat, Bill Clinton. Ralph Nader has been a thorn in the Democrats’ side with his Green Party…or is it the Peace & Freedom Party…or was it the Nutjobs & Pudwhacks for Mindless Change Party, I don’t remember. Anyway… There is no Tea ‘Party’.

But there is a Libertarian Party.

So it’s funny how a cheery promise to a friend to speak at some dinner made six months ago swings around annoyingly to be suddenly at hand…and I have to scramble to throw together some semi-cogent phrases on paper. Add to this that I found out, pretty much at the last second that the audience consisted mainly of ‘hard-core Libertarians’… Oh great, I thought. Spoilers.

I have many core agreements with Libertarians…but as I am a Conservative, I don’t see the efficacy of forming the Conservative Party. That would be a lunacy guaranteeing Democrat domination for endless dark years to come. Are you listening, Libertarian Party and all other disgruntled arrogant spoiler parties? (As a friend quipped, “Oh yeah, libertarians – basically atheist conservatives!”

Maybe not a bulls eye, but not far off.


Yep – some members of the Libertarian Party asked me to be a speaker at an awards dinner last weekend. I stood and delivered, and I hope that most found my remarks at least semi-cogent and that I at least semi-rocked. I heard no Boo’s and no food or flatware was hurled, which is always a good thing. And so here it is then, for your dining and dancing pleasure…


Good evening. My friend asked me to get up and say a few words about a no less weighty topic as HOW FILM IN HOLLYWOOD CHANGED THE WORLD. And I agreed to that. And so I’m up here speaking before you. But as someone who has worked in Hollywood thirty-some-odd years, I’ll let you in on a secret of the craft: Once you’ve got the gig, you do whatever the hell you want. So I’m not gonna talk about HOW FILM IN HOLLYWOOD CHANGED THE WORLD. I’ll leave that to some boring pontificating film historian who’s spent a lifetime in academia, never made a movie, never been on a film set and wouldn’t know the difference between the global historical impact of Hollywood and their rectal orifice.


And speaking of the internet (?)…I found this —

The economy is so bad that…

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

I was at McDonald’s the other day and I ordered the Quarter-Ouncer with cheese. The kid behind the counter asked, “Can you afford fries with that?”

CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

Motel Six won’t leave the light on anymore.

The Mafia is laying off judges.

And, finally…

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc.., I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

But I digress… The world’s pretty screwed up and I don’t think I need to list the evidentiary bullet points of the world’s screwed-up-ness. We all read the papers, we watch the news, and it’s all over the Internet. With today’s technology and the phenomenal micro rates of news dissemination, and the incredibly varied and diverse news outlet resources… man, if you don’t know what’s going on, within a few hours, or even moments of its happening… hey, you’re just asleep. This brings me to my Three Basic Types of People. The first type ignore what’s going on around them, cuz the party’s always raging and they say “What’s happening!” The second type of person is engaged and intrigued by current events and asks questions, combs news outlet resources and seeks diligently to find out what’s happening in the world. The Third Type of person is blissfully and intentionally ignorant of world events, cause/effect relationships, economic systems and patterns… and when their bliss ends suddenly and dramatically as world events steam roll over them, they shake their dazed heads and cry, “What happened??”


I believe I’m addressing a roomful of the Second Type. You folks are involved – intellectually, passionately, and spiritually. In this world…and the way things shake out…you are involved. You love your families…you love your communities…you love your country. And let me go further…I believe you love your world. We are all similar, we humans. We basically want the same things – travel the world, check it out, people are all basically the same. When you get past the idiocies of some of the governments. And even some of the religions. We’re the same – we’re joined at the species.

Which is all the more frustrating for those of us who see our leaders, rather than trumpet America’s success and hold our system of freedom and self-rule out to the world, not as an unattainable trophy demonstrating out superiority…but merely as a gift. A gift, offered with open hand…that whoever wants our sort of peace and strength and prosperity…and freedom… all they have to do is accept it. You want our kind of success – adopt our kind of system. Freedom…capitalism…responsibility… Liberty.

America, even with all her faults…a comparatively short list which, though the current bunch in D.C. scamper like rodents to shove through more horrid freedom-squelching legislation, grows longer as I speak…even with all our faults… America is still that ‘shining city on a hill’…beckoning to all… that brave and enduring torch of liberty. And the promise – that if a man or woman is willing and honest and works hard, that his success is limited only by the grit of his aspiration and the sweat of his brow.

So…given how our great nation was started… how the hell did we get to where we are now? Well it started with a single lie. One lie, probably floated as a trial balloon by some lazy, dishonest dickwad who thought he’d run a scam up a flagpole, see if anyone saluted. He thought he’d see if he could get something for nothing. He thought he’d see if he could get away with not working…while convincing those around him that even though he didn’t work for something, he deserved it nonetheless. Because you see…that thing he wanted…he didn’t just want it…he needed it. It was a ‘need’.

And…no doubt the people around him promptly kicked the livin’ crap out of him. But when he healed, he moved on. He found a new group to listen to his idea. That he had needs…and they probably had needs to. And it’s just not right…that some people have things they don’t. It’s not right. Because those people who have things that they don’t, those rich people… why, they probably got those things by cheating. By cheating good needy folks like themselves. And now I know that ain’t right!


It’s just not fair.

So these people who needed things… they got a few spokesmen. Some fast-talking, smooth salesmen. Some ‘community organizers’. And they started floating the notion that people who work and risk and persevere in life…really are just takin’ advantage of the ‘lesser among us’. They were personally profiting from the American capitalistic system, so obviously they were evil ‘greedy fat cats’. Never mind the amazing prosperity, community development, and standard of living upgrades these entrepreneurs and industrialists were providing the communities… no. They were “getting rich off the back of the poor”.

Goebbels had it right – “If you repeat a lie often enough, it will be taken for the truth.”

Well… this lie grew and grew. Because more and more community organizers ran for and got elected to public office. And getting elected became easier and easier. All you had to do was promise people goodies. And the goodies were paid for by the Booty. The Booty, better known as the federal budget was money that was taken from the people who earned it, better known as taxes. Nobody liked to write a big check to the government to pay their taxes, so the government figured out a way to ‘assist’ the taxpayer by conveniently removing the tax from the person’s paycheck before they even touched it. Wasn’t that thoughtful?

Don’t you love how the IRS…has the balls to call it a ‘service’??

I’m just getting’ warmed up. I could go on all night, but I’m not gonna. Legalized theft has been the M.O. of the Left in our government for some time. And as we slowly slide from being a Republic…into something…dark and dank…and well…I don’t want to throw up so, suffice it to say… this great nation has slipped from its moorings. This great nation has forgotten what it is…because we have forgotten who we are. People in this country have forgotten what it is to be an American.

America is not a place to sneak in to and break the law – and then be rewarded with taxpayer-provided goodies. It is not a place that you come to so that you may be taken care of. America is not this big slush fund, feeding trough for all the little piggies to sidle up to and squirm into getting the biggest mouthful of freebies.

America is none of that! America is an ideal. Of freedom. And responsibility. And opportunity. We are…or should I say were…a free people. And the government works for…or should I say worked for…us. We the people. Not the other way around.

But every time I watch a movie depicting American values as simplistic, hedonistic aberrations of the reality I’ve grown up with and lived in my years, I want to grab the closest “progressive” and throttle him.

When the world was in turmoil, and entire continents were in danger of falling to evil tyrants…America tipped the scales for freedom. When cataclysmic disasters over take a land, America is there with overwhelming support and resource. And if America is so awful, why to so many people risk their lives to come here? That must tell the world, and us, something about what America is.

We’re the good guys.

So what do we do? Well we’re doing it. We educate ourselves on the issues and we get involved, and get increasingly involved with the process of electing our government. We get vocal. We no longer let the Left control the narrative. We stand up for reason and truth. And we vote — and encourage others to educate themselves and vote as well.

And more – let’s get creative. Let’s write books…let’s write scripts…let’s make TV shows, let’s make films, sing songs, put on plays….that remind us and inform the world of the simple fact of who we are. We’re the good guys.

We’re America, damn it!