Hollywood and Broadway Team Up to Destroy Spider-Man?

Fans of a certain costumed web-slinger have been dismayed by a string of recent developments which have threatened to bury the crime-fighter’s sterling reputation under a mountain of kitsch and banality.

First, there was the departure of director Sam Raimi and his crew from the lucrative Spider-Man movie franchise. Raimi had helmed three episodes of the block-buster series that has earned an estimated $1 billion worldwide. And despite what many fans felt was a lack-luster third movie, there was never any doubt that Raimi – a Spider-Man fan from way back – perfectly translated to film the heart of the Spider-Man universe, which was always the character of Peter Parker and his relationships with the women in his life, especially Aunt May and long-time love Mary Jane.

Despite his spectacular success, however, Sony studios didn’t trust Raimi to make his movies the way he wanted, and reportedly made life so miserable for him that he walked. Instantly, the studio announced that they would be rebooting the franchise with a new director and crew, sending Peter Parker back to high school and re-casting the story with trendy young actors and promising (sigh) that the new Spidey will be delivered in 3D.

Great.

This lamentable focus on youth and style over story and character is not limited to Spider-Man, of course. Raimi’s first two Spidey films may have been shot in 2D, but the characters were so well written and acted that the story felt 3D. But never mind. Like everything else, the new Spidey must be targeted to teens and tweens, who don’t know from story and couldn’t care less about plot (witness the Twilight abominations).

Then, of course there is the disastrous Spider-Man musical currently stinking up Broadway, which features music by U2’s Bono and The Edge. When I first heard about this musical, I though, “Hmmm…I love Spider-Man; I love U2. That sounds like the worst fucking idea I’ve ever heard.”

And sure enough Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, which has been in the works for a decade and is on track to be the most expensive debacle in Broadway history, has been plagued with cost over-runs, script and cast problems, and a frightening number of safety issues which have seriously endangered the crew. The latest mishap involves stunt-man Christopher Tierney. According to MTV’s Splash Page,

“…something went wrong in Tierney’s preparation for a cable stunt that saw the actor plummet an approximate 20 feet to the ground from an onstage bridge. Tienery broke several ribs in the process and is still reportedly in serious condition at New York’s Bellevue Hospital.”

The show’s official opening has been put off countless times due to these and other problems, and is now scheduled to open in February (don’t hold your breath). Reports from those who have seen preview shows indicate that the stunts are magnificent when they work (they often don’t), but that the plot is an incoherent mess. The New York Post’s Michael Riedel reported on one advanced screening:

“Stunned audience members were left scratching their heads over the confusing plot — when they weren’t ducking for cover from falling equipment and dangling actors at the Foxwoods Theatre on West 42nd Street… At various points, overhead stage wires dropped on the audience, scenery appeared on stage missing pieces — and the show’s star was even left swaying helplessly over them midair during what was supposed to be the climatic end to the first act.”

To add insult to injury, the “original” songs composed by Bono and The Edge which I have heard sound like little more than retreads of any number of old U2 songs. I’m sure they got a nice fat check for raiding the U2 catalogue, though the enterprise further degraded the Irish quartet’s musical legacy, already sagging from overuse in political campaigns and movie trailers.

The whole thing makes me sick. So recently I cracked open a soft-bound collection of old Spider-Man comics written by Stan Lee himself and drawn by the great Steve Ditko. And damn, if those stories aren’t solid after all these years – lots of action, lots of heart, and surprisingly sophisticated story arcs. It reminded me of why I fell in love with Spidey in the first place.

One can only hope the executives at Sony and on Broadway will do the same.

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