'Hey Mallard brained Phil Robertso!': Sheen Goes Off on 'Duck Dynasty' Star

'Hey Mallard brained Phil Robertso!': Sheen Goes Off on 'Duck Dynasty' Star

On Saturday, Charlie Sheen went ballistic on Duck Dynasty‘s Phil Robertson via Twitter. His tweet was far too long for 140 character, so instead, he linked to this rant, which appears to be half-drunk, barely-literate poetry of some sort:

hey Mallard brained

Phil Robertso!

you have offended and hurt so many dear friends of mine,

who DO NOT have the voice or the outreach that I do.

well news flash


I will speak loudly and clearly for ALL of them.


just when your desperately sub evolved ass thought the pressure was off,

you are now in the crosshairs of a MaSheen style media beat down.

(I’ll try to keep the big words to a minimum as not to confuse you)

your statements were and are

abhorrently and mendaciously unforgivable.

the idea that you have a job

outside of dirt-clod stacking

is a miracle.

the only ‘Dynasty’ you are attached to might be the re-runs of that dated show.

the only thing you should ever be in charge of building is a hole in the ground the exact size of your head.

perhaps your beard would fit as well if you plucked out the army of scabies and

bull weevils sequestered deep in it’s sarcophagus of dander and weasel pelts.

shame on you.

you’re the only surviving

brain donor I’ve ever known.

when the gators and Egrets

kick you out of their


you need to make serious amends to those you have radically offended.

on the eight day

when I was whittling my cosmic banjo,

I’m pretty sure YOU were the scattered dross I then used to light a fire and locate the nearest

Andy Gump.

repulsed by you;

c sheen

hash tag;

Duck; that was me.