Who is Jill Scott, Really? A Response to Her Opinion on Interracial Dating.

I’m black, 32, and not overly accomplished, career-wise. I have a solid education, my graduate degree is a work in progress and … wait for it … you guessed it: I am dating a white girl. Those are my only qualifications to speak on Jill Scott’s commentary piece. However, I’m not sure I need much more.

Ms. Scott’s Essence article on interracial dating immediately got me thinking, for the above obvious reasons, so I decided to take a few notes just to see where I ended up. First, let me say this: I would like to congratulate Ms. Scott on all her success. I also understand the great risk one takes when putting one’s feelings in black and white (pun intended) for the world to judge. I commend her for speaking her mind in spite of this fact. This is a conversation that needs to happen. For this, I express my sincere gratitude.

As I read this piece, I wanted to address a few things that stood out to me. I noticed that upon seeing her new friend’s wedding ring, Ms. Scott wondered what color his wife was. Why does this even matter? If the gentleman in question were homely, a little dense, and seemingly broke, would those same questions have been asked? If he were gay, would she then take issue with a black man choosing to date a white man over another black man? I suspect that the answer to these questions would certainly be no.

The flow of the article brought me to my next question: How could the color of one’s spouse possibly have anything to do with the quality of one’s soul? This suggests that somehow black men who do not marry black women are less credible? Further, who is qualified to judge another’s “soul’s credibility?” In layman’s terms, this is nothing but a synonym for saying “less black.” It is for these reasons that Ms. Scott’s reference to the way she was brought up does not seem relevant or particularly honest here. She says she was “taught to judge a man by his deeds and not his color.” She certainly is judging this man by his deed, his marriage, and her basis appears to be his color (and status).

I’d also like to point out that being welcoming and open minded is not an exceedingly exclusive African one. In fact, most, if not all cultures are this way.

The history lesson Ms. Scott provides rightfully highlights the ugliness of slavery and (regrettably) more than a few chapters in America’s history. While it is important to look back at our past, it is also useful to note that we are no longer that nation. Indeed, this country is in constant struggle to move forward. We can see this progress residing at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, to name the most noteworthy and prominent example.

Ms. Scott uses the word ‘betrayal’ in her emotional piece. I was shocked. Was there some sort of contract or agreement that was signed upon the birth of all black men? Do black men owe it to black women to marry one? To take it one step further, would anyone reading this article honestly want to marry anyone just because of their skin color? Of course not. This ignores everything that has anything to do with human relationships. To reduce his or any relationship to an issue of race is completely arrogant and insulting.

I struggled to understand several of Ms. Scott’s subsequent points. She describes situations in which mothers struggle to raise their children. They are difficult situations, to say the least. While it is unfortunate that many women are left to do such “important work alone,” its worth pointing out that, statistically, this is a characteristic that plagues black communities. I’d say that maturity and our classless and morally bankrupt American culture has more to do with this epidemic than race. I point to maturity because many black men and women are having children together at increasingly younger ages. Not surprisingly, most young couples simply don’t yet have what it takes to make a real relationship work, thus, they break up, turning the woman into a single mother. Which brings me to my next statement: I fail to see how it is one man’s responsibility to step in and raise another man’s child(ren) simply because his skin happens to be brown, like that of the father. To date on the basis of race is to ignore everything that it takes to make a relationship work. Everyone knows that solid relationships require real effort. So is the fact that a brother is “seemingly together” a good enough reason to involve this man in the lives of one’s children? To be frank, if the father is not there, that is his own fault, and his alone. It could be argued that some of the blame could also be placed on the woman, for choosing to date or sleep with the father to begin with. Why so many women continue to sleep with losers is a completely different question and conversation. It is important to mention that there are good men of all races who successfully take care of their children despite the fact that they are no longer in a relationship with the children’s mother. Perhaps it was just the way that this portion of the article was phrased that rubbed me the wrong way. In any event, I don’t see what that has to do with Ms. Scott’s friend’s wife being Caucasian. I mean, I assume he didn’t father the children the author previously described.

It is telling that this article is a rather negative read. Aside from the brief description of her grandmother and the last paragraph, there is almost nothing positive written about black men, or, perhaps more tellingly, black women.

It appears as if the real issue here is what took place inside Ms. Scott when she meets a man who possesses the qualities that she and so many other women desire. Feelings get hurt. When she was informed that the gentleman was “taken,” she did not consider the idea that he is with someone who truly makes him happy. She asked what color his wife is. Since she was told the spouse is not black, she winced and put on a fake smile. Her summary on black history is a huge clue as to why. It seems pretty obvious that she felt jealous, so she made herself feel better by finding a (perceived) fault in him. She reflected on our awful past, and further allowed it to lead her to a conclusion: that certainly, history should have taught him not to consider Caucasian women when looking for love (even if it is true). If the gentleman in question failed to come to a similar conclusion, then his soul lacks “credibility,” and he is deemed a traitor to his race. Clearly, this is nothing but a defense mechanism and maybe even some sort of self-esteem issue. Neither of which are anyone’s responsibility but her own.

If you claim to understand that people of all races find genuine love in many places and still harbor these feelings then perhaps you may not have been completely honest with yourself.

In general, blacks in America simply ask to be treated as individuals in hope that people will avoid stereotyping. Yet in the very next breath, many are quick to denigrate another black person should one dare think or act for his or herself (examples available upon request). To sum it up: we cannot expect to have it both ways.

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