In the real world, where decency and accountability mean something, you will find yourself fired for a lot less than physically assaulting a co-worker. In the dual-Bizarro world of Hollywood and unions, no one is fired over a rash of fistfights, but you will be faced with a sternly-worded memo:
Due to the escalating number of incidences being reported, I must take a moment to address the Membership. We are finding that more and more Members are fighting with one another on set. It is my duty to say – Knock It Off!
When two Members get into an altercation we have found that in order to remedy the situation quickly BOTH Members will immediately be LAID-OFF. Whether you were the one to instigate the situation or not you will both be released from the job.
I’ve made my own living in the real world for thirty-plus years now. Fifteen of those years were spent in the subculture of bill collection. Heaven knows, I’ve seen a lot of bizarre and dark stuff over the years, but never a fistfight on the job. Plenty at the bar afterwards, but never on the clock.
It’s a beautiful thing working in the bubble of a union. And it’s a beautiful thing working in the bubble of Hollywood. But if you work in both, you can physically assault each other and stuff.
Just don’t be a Christian, cuz there’s a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to that freaky Jesus stuff.
Follow John Nolte on Twitter @NolteNC