'The Virginity Hit' Review: Dull, Unfunny & Repulsive

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In his 1999 review of “American Pie,” film critic Roger Ebert wrote:

As I swim through the summer tide of vulgarity, I find that’s what I’m looking for: Movies that at least feel affection for their characters. Raunchy is OK. Cruel is not.

Unfortunately, the creators of the new teen comedy “The Virginity Hit” didn’t understand that concept when they created their own story about a nerd trying to lose his virginity. “Hit” is an often cruel and humorless comedy that makes “American Pie” look like a classic.

Both “Pie” and “Hit” follow similar paths. Like “Pie,” “Hit” begins with a group of male teens eager to lose their virginity. After one of them succeeds, the friends all take a hit on a bong to celebrate (hence the title). Eventually the others lose their virginity and Matt is the only virgin left. But he has a plan with his long-term girlfriend. They’ve scheduled a special night together. Unfortunately, before that night arrives, Matt discovers she cheated on him and then has to choose whether or not he wants to sleep with her or break up.

Matt chooses a third option. With his obnoxious friends, he plans an elaborate prank. The plan is to sleep with her and then, with all his friends popping out of an adjacent room, confront her on camera about her betrayal. Publicly humiliating her will be Matt’s revenge. None of his friends seems to have a problem with this horrific stunt. However, Matt calls the plan off at the last minute. He then confronts his girlfriend and tells her the truth. After their inevitable break-up, Matt then spends the rest of the movie trying to come up with a new plan to lose his virginity.

Unlike “American Pie”, “Hit” is filmed like a low-budget documentary made by one of the teens in the film. In reality, “Hit” is a major motion picture with big-name producers such as Will Ferrell and Adam McKay, who starred and directed this summer’s “The Other Guys.”

Although few people would call “American Pie” a great movie, it was an enjoyable teen comedy. It was a raunchy but it was also funny and featured several likable and relatable characters. Unfortunately, this movie has none of those positive attributes.

The characters in “Virginity Hit” are some of the meanest people you’ll see on film this year. Including our protagonist, they’re all vengeful and cruel. Matt is presented as the likable lead but he’s not. He’s a loser who limplessly falls victim to peer pressure.

The film is also extremely disgusting. Whereas “American Pie” was raunchy, “Hit” is only repulsive. None of the jokes work and many scenes are too gross to even describe. There’s a twisted voyeuristic quality to everything. Since it’s filmed like a documentary, some of the scenes look realistic and viewers are left squirming during a number of uncomfortable confrontations.

I hated nearly every second of this movie. Almost right away, I was checking my watch to see how much time remained before I could go home. Make sure to skip the most repulsive and dull movie of the year.

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