Buzzfeed Hates America. There, I Said It

Buzzfeed hates America. There, I said it.

No, not because it distracts American workers to the point where GDP forecasts will have to be revised down because of the number of hours we all spend reading, “19 ways you could have spent 5 minutes other than reading this article”.

No, but rather because of this article it has published in conjunction with the curiously named ‘British Influence‘ group, which by the way is not really interested in, nor concerned with what is best for Britain, but is actually an odd, opaque, pro-European Union lobby group.

So the forces of the liberal-left media align with the forces who loathe democracy and want Britain in an increasingly closer political union with the EU. Shocker!

How exactly does this dynamic duo exact its hatred? The same way everyone around the world who hates freedom does. ATTACK AMERICA! Those overweight, free-market-driven, uncultured, gas-guzzling, pancake-eaters. That’s right. British Influence attacked PANCAKES. This. Just. Got. Real.

Their seemingly unread post on Buzzfeed’s community pages is called, “You know you’re European when…” and proceeds to attack all sorts of quintessentially American things that I enjoy. According to Buzzfeed’s community guidelines it was clearly, “a good fit for BuzzFeed Community”.

The only comment on the piece sarcastically notes: “Well this is in no way patronising…” And that was from a bloke in Azerbaijan. AZERBAIJAN.

We’re invited by British Influence and Buzzfeed to believe that America hates football (er… ‘soccer’), despite it becoming increasingly popular in New York. That the country with the best breweries in the world doesn’t ‘get’ beer. That America is younger than other places (no shit, ageists…) and that this is somehow better than this.

It goes on, somewhat bizarrely…

America is too big. They don’t have great government-subsidised transport (phew?). They drink coffee too fast (Huh?). They don’t have Eurovision (weep!), or the Tour de France (Yawn)… and worst of all… they eat PANCAKES.

Well, shit. America is starting to sound pretty frigging good if you ask me. I mean really, who wants to worship Seve Ballesteros (exactly) and speak anything other than English (the Queen’s English, mind you) anyway?

Yes, I knew British Influence was a crock, but this really takes the biscuit (cookie?). 

If small-sized fast-food meals and Ikea furniture is what makes someone European, then you can keep your Schengen agreements, your drag-queen singers, and your over-reaching pseudo-democracy. 

As a matter of fact… keep it anyway.