How to Troll Glastonbury Festival: Part One

How to Troll Glastonbury Festival: Part One

Do you like my t-shirt? I wore it in the Greenpeace field at Glastonbury festival this year in what some people have suggested may have been a massive trolling exercise.

I do like the idea of being a troll – or a “King Troll” as two drunken young men kindly complimented me as I wandered into the Green Fields (aka hippy central) – but I’m not sure that I deserve the accolade. 

Trolls, I thought, are people who take a position just to annoy everyone, whereas I say all the crazy stuff I do because I genuinely believe it. Fossil fuels, for example: I really do heart them. Not as much as I heart my kids, perhaps; or Skrillex; or Metallica (they ROCKED); but definitely a lot more than I heart renewable energy which I loathe in almost all its manifestations because it is expensive, environmentally damaging, ugly, pointless and useless.

At one point, a man with a beard came up to confront me. He accused me – no really – of being in the pay of Big Oil, assured me – again, no really – that 97 per cent of the world’s scientists believe in “climate change” and said that people like me had no business being at Glastonbury festival.

I told him he was a fascist.