Bond Would Be Dead in Seven Minutes if Skyfall Was Real, Medics Conclude

Reuters/Gonzalo Fuentes

James Bond would have lasted just seven minutes into the movie Skyfall before dying, a group of doctors has said.

Bruce Willis’s character John McClane would also have been killed in the Die Hard films, while Kevin would have died from “massive head injuries” in Home Alone.

The Sun reports that the panel of medical professionals, assembled for Total Film, concluded that Bond’s depleted uranium wound in Skyfall “would have turned his lung inside out and killed him”, and even if he somehow survived, the radiation would “greatly increase his cancer risk”.

If he did survive then he would only last a few more minutes before jumping from the roof of a speeding train into a river, something that would probably “sever his spinal cord or break his neck”.

He would also risk significant blood loss and probably pass out 31 minutes into the film while performing surgery on himself to remove a bullet, and would also likely drown later while fighting underwater in an icy loch.

Home Alone would have also seen three fatalities. Kevin would have likely died after falling from some shelves in the first third of the film, while Marv and Harry would have probably died within hours of the movie’s end after sustaining various injuries while breaking into Kevin’s house.

The panel said the characters, played by Daniel Stern and Joe Pesci, would be “very seriously disabled and would probably have died from their injuries five or six hours after the film ends”.

Daniel Craig was recently wounded in real life while filming the latest Bond film. The actor underwent knee surgery for an injury sustained during a fight scene in Spectre.