Rand Paul Mocks ObamaCare In Iowa

In his keynote speech to the Iowa Republican Party’s Lincoln Dinner on May 10, Rand Paul gave a hilarious speech ridiculing ObamaCare and noting some of the most ridiculous propositions in it, including line-items for injuries people would suffer from turtles, lampposts, and water skis. Below is a transcription of Paul’s wit at its best:

Now I know you’ve heard some bad things about ObamaCare, and I haven’t been a big fan of ObamaCare but, you know, the government just wants to take care of you; they don’t think you’re smart enough to make these decisions, okay?

I’m a physician, and when you come in to see me, I put down a little diagnostic code, and there were 18,000 of these, but under Obamacare they’re going to keep you healthier, because now there’s going to be 140,000 codes. Included among these codes will be 312 new codes for injuries from animals, 72 new codes for injuries just from birds, 9 new codes from injuries from the macaw. The macaw? I’ve asked physicians all over the country, “Have you ever seen an injury from a macaw?”

There’s 2 new injury codes under Obamacare from injuries sustained from a turtle. You might say turtles can be dangerous, but why do you have to have two codes where your doctor needs to inform the government whether you’ve been struck by a turtle or bitten by a turtle? There is a new code for- I see some alcohol out there- walking into a lamppost; there’s also a code for walking into a lamppost; Subsequent Encounter. I guess that’s if you don’t learn. There is a code for injuries sustained from burning water skis. 

Your government’s just trying to take care of you.