I went to every movie in 1988. I swear. Bloodsport, check. Bad Dreams, check. Hero and the Terror, check, check, and check. I even braved the picket line and saw The Last Temptation of Christ. (Disappoint mom, checkity-check). Wasn’t the uproar over The Passion of the Christ the bizarro version of the protest over Scorsese’s weird Jesus movie?

Anyway, the nominees for Best Picture of 1988 were…

The Accidental Tourist: Okay. So, I lied. Up top, there. Oops.

Dangerous Liaisons: Liked this way more than I thought I would, but just seeing the title reminds me of one of the best jokes ever on the funniest episode of Friends.

Mississippi Burning: Rest of the world don’t mean jack-shit, you in Miss’ssippi now, boy. I don’t care if I’ve misquoted it, that is the best line ever in a movie.

Rain Man: An under-quoted line from this movie, in my humble opinion, is “HOT WATER BURN, BABY!” It’s really effective. Tom Cruise is the most hated out of all of those who say they get hated on, but I thought he was great in this. Dustin Hoffman’s performance continues to amaze me, but the movie feels like it should be more emotionally affecting than it is. Had Spielberg directed it, there wouldn’t have been a dry eye in the house and it would not have won Best Picture.

Working Girl: Let the rivers run, or some bullcrap. Always felt this could have been a little funnier.

Some pretty good choices. Only one of them makes my cut for 1988’s Best Picture Nominees:

Mississippi Burning: I don’t care that it fudges history. It’s accurate in ways that transcend historical record. Good ole’ boy types like the ones portrayed in this movie continue to give conservatism a bad name. And that’s just in my extended family, hello!

Die Hard: I like that part when Die Hard makes jokes and saves the day in the building.

Bull Durham: I was digging Ron Shelton’s movie. And then when Kevin Costner tells a little kid to shut up for no reason, I thought, “I don’t like this movie. I love it.”

The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!: I realize that. Now.

Midnight Run: There has never been, in the history of movies, a better depiction of a man annoyed beyond reason than De Niro’s performance as bounty hunter Jack Walsh. Particularly in the scene on the bus, which opens with Grodin (never better) asking, for the one-millionth time, “Why aren’t you popular with the Chicago Police Department?” Walsh hisses into his cigarette through gritted teeth, and without a word, we know. He might. Just. Snap.

And the winner is…

…MIDNIGHT RUN.

Pretty much because me and my wife quote it ad nauseum (still not convinced that’s a real phrase, but it checks out) for any number of situations. As in:

She loses her keys and I find them, and I say: Serrano’s got the discs! Serrano’s got the discs!

I get lost and she tells me I should just turn around and ask for directions: I’ve come too far. I’ve. Come. Too. Far.

My kid bugs me because, I dunno, he’s hungry or something: Kid, make yourself a sandwich, drink a glass of milk, do some fucking thing.

Anything awesome happens at work or at home: That’s great! I’ma go get some doughnuts!

Okay, that’s a stupid reason, but it illustrates how close to my heart this movie is. Screenwriter George Gallo, a great writer and an absolutely awesome human being, gives De Niro and Grodin amazing one-liners and fantastic characters. Taking nothing away from their performances, but I sincerely believe Gallo did the heavy lifting.

Of course we know these two mismatched characters are going to end up best friends. Grodin is Jonathan “The Duke” Mardukas, an accountant who embezzled millions from his boss when he found out said boss, Jimmy Serrano (Dennis “Awesome” Farina) was a mobster. This is the same mobster who ran Jack Walsh(Robert De Niro) out of Chicago when Walsh, a cop at the time, wouldn’t take a bribe. The Duke has skipped bail and Walsh, now working as a bounty hunter, is sent to find him.

I love that Walsh is no dummy. He’s heard of Mardukas (“I read the papers.”). But the rival bounty hunter, Dorfler (John “The Underused” Ashton), has not. The movie doesn’t make a big deal of this, but we definitely get the message. It speaks to the ultimate strength of the movie: Walsh’s unwavering ethical code. He stubbornly sees no difference in Serrano, the man who disgraced him, and Mardukas, the man who disgraced Serrano:

“You’re a fucking criminal and you deserve to go where you’re going, and I’m gonna take you there. And if I hear anymore shit outta you, I’m gonna stick your head in the toilet and make it stay there.”

He simply sees no shades of grey, and it’s an endearing quality. We’re equally endeared to Mardukas, because we don’t share Walsh’s stubbornness.

It’s been a while, but I’m pretty sure every scene has a laugh or two — many of them HUGE, except one: the scene when Walsh visits his ex-wife. De Niro has, of course, become a ham. Maybe many believed he already was one in 1988, but I think he’s brilliant in this movie and in this scene in particular. It’s the quietest moment in the movie, and the most emotionally effective. Only a few scenes earlier, The Duke has asked, “How do they (your wife and daughter) put up with your sarcasm?” and Walsh answers, “Beautifully, I haven’t seen either of them in three years.” Seeing his daughter for the first time in years, he asks, “What grade are you in?”

“Eighth.”

“Are you in the eighth grade?” he asks, surprise and awkwardness in his voice. It’s a great moment, one where we realize just how much he uses sarcasm to mask his true feelings of loss, hurt, and anger. The scene concludes with his ex-wife allowing him to use the family car. As The Duke climbs in the passenger seat, Walsh reaches over and makes sure his traveling buddy’s coat tail isn’t going to get slammed in the door.

They still bicker after this (“You lied to me first!” “Yes. But you had no idea I was lying when you lied to me at the river!” “I can’t even argue with you, I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”), but they’ve shared a moment and have taken the first step toward becoming the friends they will be at the end of the best movie of 1988.