I am waiting for Ezra Klein
to eat a copy of the Constitution
and tell us if it’s binding
and I am waiting
for 60 Minutes to wind down
and I am waiting
for a presidential debate moderator
to crack wise with Chris Christie
and I am waiting
for Old Media
to request end-of-life counseling
and I am really waiting
for the Associated Press
to screw up and forget to spin a story
I am waiting for Nova
to report a major extinction event
involving NPR and PBS
and I am waiting
for Charlie Gibson’s glasses
to fall off his nose
and I am waiting
for someone to interrupt Bill O’Reilly
and I am waiting for Saudi Arabia
to endow the “Al Jazeera Chair”
at Columbia University School of Journalism
and I am really waiting
for Katie Couric to connect the dots
on rising fuel costs
I am waiting for Brian Williams
to differentiate between
profit and profit margin
and I am waiting for Rachel Maddow
to interview Dennis Miller
and I am waiting
for Bob Beckel
to join an anger management group
and I am waiting for Eliot Spitzer
to make a pass at Kathleen Parker
on air
and I am waiting
for George Will and Charles Krauthammer
to appear on the same panel
and disagree
and I am really waiting
for Robert Gibbs to be embarrassed
I am waiting for Helen Thomas
to lie down in front of an Israeli tank
and smirk
and I am waiting
for Iowahawk and Scott Ott
to share a Pulitzer prize for political harpooning
and I am waiting for Ray Suarez
to schedule his next surgery in Cuba
and I am waiting for This Week
to be duller next week
than it was last week
and I am really waiting
for the new Eric Sevareid
to emerge at CBS
I am waiting for Paul Krugman and Frank Rich
to stop mailing it in
and I am waiting for Eric Holder
to utter the words “administration of cowards”
at a news conference
and I am waiting for the FCC
to monitor thought waves
and I am waiting for
the New York Times
to offer new subscribers lunch with Maureen Dowd
at the Four Seasons
and I am eagerly waiting for liberalism
to be classified as a delusional disorder
in DSM-V
I am waiting for Dan Rather
to become easier to swallow
than a ripe habanero chili pepper
and I am waiting
for the Washington Post
to shill for a Republican candidate
and I am waiting for Breitbart’s exposé of Pigford
to bubble up into Matt Lauer’s field of vision
and I am waiting for Oprah
to choose Rules for Radical Conservatives
for her book club
and I am really, really waiting
for more Americans to realize
what an extraordinary human being Tony Snow was
Acknowledgement: “I Am Waiting” by Lawrence Ferlinghetti
from A Coney Island of the Mind (1958)