JAFFA, Israel – Against Terror, a new satirical Arabic-language website lampooning the Islamic State, has become the talk of the day on Arab social networks.
The site, which seems to be Iraq-themed, is run by anonymous bloggers.
The website has devised a mock soccer game whose rules meet IS’ stringent standards:
- No dribbling or other tricks, because it looks like dancing;
- No passing of ball between the rival’s legs or doing anything else that may require uncrossing his legs;
- No standing before a goalkeeper without a Sharia adjudicator;
- A player who got suspended must adopt an orphan;
- Away goals aren’t counted as two, because it’s tantamount to forbidden interest;
- A referee’s decision is invalid if it is not in keeping with the words of Allah;
- Whistles precipitate the arrival of the devil, therefore must be replaced by drums;
- Team outfits must be at least knee’s length;
Before every kick (a gunshot in Arabic) the player must say: “I kicked but Allah is the one who guides me” (paraphrasing a Quranic verse); - No foreign referees allowed, because Muslims must run their own affairs;
- All players must bow to Allah after every attack even if it did not yield a goal;
- A captain of a team that’s leading by more than two points can declare jihad;
- Penalty kickers must be the team’s most pious players;
- The captain must be the player who can recite the most verses from the Quran;
- If there is no male referee, only two women can fill his spot (in keeping with the Islamic principle that the testimony of two women is equal to that of one man);
- Supporters are only allowed to chant “Allah akbar”;
- A counter attack will be answered by the execution of the attackers.
Signed: Chairman of the IS football association.
Most of the comments to the satirical text were positive and were accompanied by copious sharing.