If we don’t stop climate change very soon our children will die.

So warns the American Academy of Pediatrics in a policy statement “urging pediatricians and politicians to work together to solve this crisis and protect children from climate-related threats including natural disasters, heat stress, lower air quality, increased infections, and threats to food and water supplies.”

But if the Academy’s report is to be believed, climate change is so dangerous it may already be too late.

Here are just a few of the terrible child-related death scenarios in which it is implicated:

The report’s authors appear to be unaware that there has been no global warming since 1998, that malaria has nothing to do with “climate change”, that CO2 is widely considered to be boon to agriculture, that there has been no increase in hurricanes and that computer projections of what climate change might be doing in 2030 and how much diarrheal disease this might cause have all the predictive reliability of leaves at the bottom of a tea cup.

Perhaps it would have been wiser to have avoided all the awkward science-y stuff and cut to the chase:

Global warming is bad because: think of the children!