See, kids, this is why you don’t do drugs. And this is why you will always eventually regret voting for somebody who boasted of all the coke and dope he did while smoldering about his absentee father.
President Choom Gang has demilitarized our military. He sends the Department of Health and Human Services to the Mexican border to welcome and take care of tens of thousands of illegal children streaming across. And now he wants to deploy American troops into West Africa to combat the Ebola virus.
Boy, is this confusing.
Mr. President, with all due respect: Are you still smoking dope?
Just when you thought things could not get any more disastrous, President Obama announces plans to drag America back into some degree of the war on terrorism.
It is a war we would not need except for his utter malfeasance as commander in chief and blithe disregard for already-spilled American blood and treasure.
It is a war he ran two political campaigns promising to get us out of.
It is a war he has always argued we did not need.
Worst of all, it is a war America’s soldiers will have to fight every step of the way with one eye cast behind them to see if the politicians in Washington — especially their commander in chief — are still with them. Will those politicians once again abandon the troops and their deadly mission as soon as the political winds shift?
In an honest world without all the pot haze, confusing munchies and addiction tremors, Mr. Obama would now admit what the majority of Americans already realize, according to latest polling: This presidency is a failure.
If Mr. Obama was elected on any cogent platform other than the vague and hip promise of “hope and change,” it was because of his credentials as the anti-war candidate.
It was this single claim that gave him the opening to challenge Hillary Rodham Clinton for the 2008 Democratic nomination in the first place. It also vaulted him well past all the other Democrats in the field who had voted for the Iraq war.
And against the original mad warrior John McCain, the general election was a breeze for the anti-war crusader.
So even before Mr. Obama won the White House, he was telegraphing to our entire world of enemies that he would beat a hasty retreat if elected. Once he became president, he began withdrawing from the fields of battle. He all but deserted Iraq.
Now, everybody acts all surprised that into this vacuum marched new enemies even fiercer and more deranged than the last ones.
That the president is even considering renewing the war on terrorism is a convincing exoneration of his predecessor’s “strategery” for combating terrorism. And it is a crushing repudiation of the entire premise of the Obama presidency.
What is heart-wrenching about all of it is that it will be America’s brave men and women in uniform who will, dutifully, carry out this zany, rearguard mission launched entirely to provide political cover for a bunch of politicians back home before another election.
Seriously, it was better when Mr. Obama did not have a strategy. And even better when he was loafing around with the Choom Gang smoking weed and snorting coke.
Remember, kids: Don’t do drugs.
Charles Hurt can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org, or on Twitter at @charleshurt.