Ted Nugent to Piers Morgan: 'Suck on my Machine Gun'

On May 18^th, Ted Nugent was a guest on “Piers Morgan Tonight.” The central topic of discussion – the Second Amendment – was right up Nugent’s alley (and I’m sure Morgan was hoping Nugent’s fame might finally raise the show above the abysmal 77,000 viewers it was drawing during the month previous).

While I don’t know whether the show raised Morgan’s ratings or not, I do know one thing: Nugent put on a clinic for anyone wondering how best to take down a weak-minded, egalitarian European who doesn’t know Natural Law from Natural Light.

In all honesty folks, as I watched the interview I almost felt sorry for Morgan a couple times: Nugent was at his best and Morgan was at his usual.

Nugent had Morgan so worked up that at one time during the interview, Morgan actually said, “I’d love to suck on your machine gun.” I had to read the transcript afterwards to get things in context and see that Morgan was being sarcastic, trying to shame Nugent because the Motor City Madman had said pointedly of gun-grabbing politicians: “Anybody that wants to make me unarmed and helpless, people that want to literally create the proven places where more innocents are killed called ‘gun-free zones,’ we’re going to beat you. We’re going to vote you out of office or suck on my machine gun.”

Like a typical liberal, Morgan spent a lot of time trying to drag Nugent away from fact-based arguments to emotional ones. But Nugent would have none of it.

For instance, when Morgan whimpered about how “80 people a day die from gunshots in America,” Nugent snapped back: “And 75 of them to 78 of them — statistics by the Uniform Crime Report by the FBI and the U.N. study on violent crime — [75 to] 78 of those 80 are let out of their cages by corrupt judges and prosecutors who know the recidivism is out of control…[yet] they let them walk through plea bargaining, early release, and [other] programs.”

As the interview continued, I kept looking for the referee to step in, wrap his arms around Morgan, and signal a standing knock out. Why? Because Nugent was beating him at every turn and every question of every argument.

The only way the verbal beat-down could have been better is if Nugent’s lyrics had been blaring in the background: “Got you in a stranglehold baby, I’m gonna crush your face.” (Would have gone great with “suck on my machine gun.”)