War Machine Pleads Not Guilty; Neck Tattoos, Name Beg to Differ

War Machine Pleads Not Guilty; Neck Tattoos, Name Beg to Differ

War Machine pleaded not guilty on Thursday. His neck tattoos colorfully said otherwise. 

The mixed-martial artist stood in a Las Vegas courtroom on charges of a brutal August attack on porn star Christy Mack and a late-night male companion. This unsanctioned intergender bout, unlike all but one of the former UFC and Bellator competitor’s 19 official matches, will be decided by a judge. Mack reports 18 broken bones surrounding her eyes, a broken nose, broken teeth, and a broken rib. War Machine counters that Mack broke his heart:

Roses are red
I found a man in our bed.
Than to discover this…
I’d rather be dead.

The criminal justice system can take away War Machine’s freedom. It can’t, as this and other poems indicate, take away his Twitter account.

“I wish that I could give apologies where they’re due,” the cage fighter graciously tweeted from a Clark County cage a week ago. “I wish that I could hear her apologize as well.”

War Machine also wishes for a teleportation device and a personal TARDIS in his tweets. He divulges, “What I wouldn’t give for a time machine.” His science-fiction fantasies appear more realistic than his auditory “I’m sorry” daydreams. 

Surely the shock felt by the poet-pugilist’s discovery that his girlfriend shared her bed with another man must have been mitigated somewhat by the knowledge that she had performed in 113 pornographic movies over the last three years. Did War Machine overlook the AVN Award nomination Mack received for “Best Group Sex Scene” along with seven other performers? Christy Mack, all sixty-one inches of her, didn’t explode in rage when War Machine, himself a dabbler in adult films, starred in Mr. Chew’s Asian Beaver. Why did the man have to go and vandalize one of God’s masterworks for the “crime” of loving too much? One senses that within the substantial Christy Mack oeuvre Mr. Machine preferred Fine I’ll Do It Myself to Bang Bus 44, Cocked and Loaded, Dorm Invasion 8, and Down to F— 3.

The jealous guy’s latest court appearance–he laughed last week when Mack affirmed he had sexually violated her–revealed a trial for early in 2015 on such weighty charges as kidnapping, sexual assault, and attempted murder. He may have a long time to regret the “Mack” tattooed on his neck, among much else. 

At times, the former competitor on reality television’s The Ultimate Fighter exhibits contrition in his elongated tweets. “I have cheated on women,” he divulges, “I have lied, I have hurt people, and I have slept with women in relationships. Nobody is innocent, we have all earned the pain we receive, and if you look hard enough, you will find it. When you find that you truly are the one responsible for it all, it really hurts, the guilt is devastating.”

But is he talking about War Machine or Christy Mack?

Elsewhere, he blames fate rather than himself for the carnage that ended the late-night carnality. He writes of an “out of the blue disaster,” “s— luck,” and how “all of this happened.” He vows to leave hatred and negativity behind, an outlook he admits to labeling “faggotry” in the past. “I deserved this, she deserved this, he deserved this, and we are also all innocent at the same time.”

It’s shallow–yet deep. 

And to think it all could have been avoided had War Machine–looking to surprise his soulmate with a “Will you marry me?”–instead posed to Christy Mack a more common question asked in the San Fernando Valley: What’s your sign? Mack’s a Taurus; War Machine, a Sagittarius. Don’t blame him. The fault lies in the stars.