Brandon Spikes Hawking Patriots Ring on eBay

Brandon Spikes sells his 2011 New England Patriots AFC Championship ring on eBay.

It’s not exactly the 205 diamonds laid over white gold that members of the 2014 New England Patriots received Sunday night at their ring ceremony at owner Robert Kraft’s house. And an AFC Championship ring, especially for a fan base accustomed to celebrating Super Bowls rather than runner-up trophies, may not scream Southeby’s. But hey, it’s eBay. And if sellers can hawk a ghost in a jar and baby-naming rights on the site, why not an AFC Championship ring for the price of a new Ford Focus?

Have $20,000 to spare? We have just the gift for you. http://t.co/Uex0NXSPHm pic.twitter.com/7l1A8Yu06l

— NESN (@NESN) June 16, 2015

Facing a civil suit and criminal charges for allegedly ditching his Mercedes-Benz Maybach on the I-495 median strip after hitting a family driving a Nissan Murano during the Sunday morning part of Saturday night on June 7, Spikes may need the money.

But for $19,499, the seller doesn’t even guarantee complete sentences. “VERY RARE, player ring AFC championship,” the eBay description reads. “Not many, if any around. This will only go up in value. Real diamonds. See attached appraisal. This ring will only climb in value and VERY RARE actual players ring.”

Spikes’ value dropped the moment the cops charged him with various vehicular offenses. The Patriots cut him. Unlike Florida Gators and Patriots teammate, and fellow tattoo enthusiast, Aaron Hernandez, Spikes remains a free agent. 

That’s better than living as a “slave.” The linebacker went from “extremely pleased” with his four-year, $3.2 million contract with the New England Patriots upon signing in 2010 to describing himself as “4 years a slave” upon his exit last year. After calling the typical Patriots fan a “Masshole” after joining the Buffalo Bills in 2014, a smiling Spikes called Foxboro home again last month. But he allegedly crashed his car before he could crash into opposing running backs.