So last Saturday, Earth Hour took place- that mystical event when cities around the world pledge to turn off the power, and go dark for an hour.
It began in Australia in 2007, and has since spread like a pimply rash to more than 130 countries.
But If you missed it, it's not your fault.
I totally drank my way through it - and the only thing I had off were my pants.
And now, after five years, some commentators are pronouncing the fad over, which suggest we're all uncaring jerks.
Which I know I am anyway.
And that's where I'm going with this.
See, if you took a bunch of "caring" people, and a bunch of people like me, and compared our environmental behaviors, would you really see a difference?
To steal a quote from David Mamet's new book, "no adherent of either view is going to live his life in congruity with all, or even most of the precepts he believes himself to endorse."
Meaning, the girl lecturing me on carbon offsets, is still lecturing me at the bar, which is powered by oil and electricity. And we're also drinking the same beer, trucked in by giant gas guzzling semi's. We are both the same (except I made her up).
Anyway, it's no wonder "Earth Hour's" in trouble. Fact is, no one is going to sit in the dark for that long, when there's fun stuff to do that involves electricity and/or batteries.
Which is why this earnest dreck will continue, in sympathy only. Meaning, people will engage in this symbolic activity... only with their feelings.
"Oh isn't that a nice idea," says a concerned citizen, as she boards her flight to Prague. For that moment, just thinking about "earth hour" feels like you're doing something good - even if the chihuaha you're holding was trucked in from Guam.
And if you disagree with me, you're a racist homophobe.
and a first-timer Krystal Ball!