Morning Call Sheet: Fox Fights the Future, Hatfields Fight the McCoys, and I Discover Something Better Than TV


--CHARTER SOLVES THE PROBLEM! --


A extremely nice and patient tech professional from Charter spent the day with me and my Internets yesterday and refused to leave until the problems were solved. It took some doing, a few routers, phone calls and a little head-scratching -- but he got it and now he's my hero.

My Streaming streams my Internet internets. That's all I wanted -- you know, what I paid for and what I was promised. Only took five weeks, 922 phone calls and four service visits, but maybe my expectations were too high.

I was so thrilled after it was all working correctly that I forgot I wasn't in California and tried to kiss the Charter guy on the mouth before he left.

In all seriousness, if every cable and Internet company in America cloned this man, the world would be a much better place.

OH NOES!: FOX KICKS OFF "THE GREAT FREE TV WEB PULLBACK OF 2010"


In an effort to keep the cable companies happy that pay the networks tons of cash, Fox will now wait eight whole days before making its shows available online. ABC will soon follow.

Well, whoop-de-freakin'-doo.



The future is now and an eight day delay before "The Simpsons" hits Hulu or 28 days before "The Green Hornet" hits Redbox can't stop the future.

Cable companies had better get into the Internet business if they want to be around in five years. We are becoming a society that wants to watch what we want to watch when we want to watch it. Appointment television is dead. Hell, the DVR is probably on the way out the door.

STREAMING is the new entertainment god. Kneel before it or die on your outdated feet.

KEVIN COSTNER AND BILL PAXTON TO PLAY HATFIELD AND MCCOY


Not only is this a superb piece of casting but if done right, this could be a terrific miniseries. A few years ago I read a serious historical examination of this famous feud (can't remember the name of the book), and found it absolutely fascinating. The human drama is much more interesting than the gunplay and the cartoonish realizations we're all used to. The way this sad but true story unfolds towards inevitable tragedy is truly gripping stuff.

The History Channel is producing. Let's hope it doesn't get shifted to Reelz after the fascist Kennedy family complains about the guns, or something.

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LAST NIGHT'S SCREENING


Last night I gutted a bathroom. It was better than TV -- and nothing before has ever been better than TV.


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TODAY'S QUICK HITS


"DAUGHTERS OF SEX AND THE CITY" IN DEVELOPMENT

NETFLIX MARCH TOWARDS WORLD DOMINATION CONTINUES

I DON'T WEAR ABERCROMBIE & FITCH. WHERE'S MY CHECK?

50 MOST ENTERTAINING CRAPPY MOVIES OF ALL-TIME

FINALLY: A MOVIE ABOUT THE INVENTION OF THE VIBRATOR

THIS IS NEWS? MOST OF MY REJECTION LETTERS READ LIKE THIS

FOUR-OUT-OF-FIVE STAR 'CONAN THE BARBARIAN 3D' REVIEW

I HAD BEEN MEANING TO TALK TO HER ABOUT HIS

YES. THIS IS NEWS.

A HOMELESS BURT REYNOLDS?

BRUCE DERN STILL LOOKS EVERY INCH THE BADASS

"PAWN STARS" #1 IN KEY DEMO

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CLASSIC PICK FOR THURSDAY AUGUST 18, 2011


FMC:
4:00 pm EST: RIVER OF NO RETURN (1954) -- During the California gold rush, a widower (Mitchum) and his 10 year old son (Rettig) encounter a saloon singer (Monroe) wth a gold claim. Cast: Marilyn Monroe, Robert Mitchum, Tommy Rettig, Rory Calhoun, Murvyn Vye. Director: Otto Preminger

Not one of Marilyn Monroe's most famous films but still one of her best, thanks mainly to her chemistry with the underrated Mitchum.

Good drama, good action, good performances (especially by the two leads), excellent photography, and very well-paced. Director Otto Preminger might have been a counter-intuitive choice to direct what was sold as a big, color widescreen action picture, but his specialty was always human drama and relationships, which is what you remember after the credits roll.

And Marilyn does look awfully sexy in wet clothes. Let's not forget that.

--Please send tips/suggestions/requests to jnolte@breitbart.com

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