Hello Republicans, This is your old friend Tokyo Rose LaHood. I want to take this moment to say hi to all my fellow Republicans whom I love so dearly.
Don’t you feel silly in your little foxholes, fighting for a cause you cannot win? Europeans are laughing at us. We were the nation that put a man on the moon, and yet we think health care has to be paid for. You are making us the laughing stock of the world.
President Obama is Change, he is the Change people want. They don’t want you and your stupid free markets. That is so last year. Wouldn’t you rather be back home in Middletown Maryland, working alongside your favorite girl on infrastructure projects? (Yes, I’m talking to you Roscoe G. Bartlett, I know you’re out there.)
People in Maryland are thrilled to be working in March. They are thrilled to be out there working for the People, working for Obama and the Glorious Change. Fighting isn’t good for you, and it isn’t good for America. You’ve already lost, time to surrender.
Look at Rush Limbaugh. He’s a buffoon. He laughs at you while he lights big fat cigars with hundred dollar bills on his private jet. Look at little Bobby Jindal. He lost his political career for your stupid war. Someone who was once a star with a shining future in politics, is now a David Letterman joke, alongside Sarah Palin. Do you want to join them?
What do you think your girl is doing back home while you’re filibustering in Washington? She’s probably in the back room of the local Panera Bread, doing some Code Pink vegan boy on top of flour sacks. She doesn’t want you anymore, she wants the Change.
Trust Obama. He cares about you. Let him run the banks and the auto companies, and bring America into a Magnificent Future where we don’t need cars or energy or thermostats that go all the way up to seventy two. It’s not Socialism, it’s just social. You like being social, don’t you Honorable Representative? All your voters are in favor of it. Obama isn’t making recession, Obama is making love., You are the ones causing the recession with your silly battles that you cannot win.
Come on give it up. You know you have bipartisan fantasies late at night. Come on over to our side. It’s not so hard.
Now listen to some love music from the Beautiful Beyonce Knowles…
For more of Tim Slagle’s humor, check out www.timslagle.com