Cheetos (Poor People Need Fathers Not Government Programs)

I’m sitting in a waiting room. I’m waiting for my auditioning squad to execute me. I’m wearing my black and red plaid, $1400 St. John audition outfit. I’ve worn it to every audition for six years. It has a small hole in it. I hope they don’t notice. I have time to kill so I’m trying to crawl inside the head of a liberal.

The people auditioning me will all be liberals. Should I hide my recent, passionate Tea-Bagging activities, if the topic comes up? Why should they hate me? I only want the best for everyone. My beliefs in the Bible, and freedom and capitalism are only ideals that bless people. And, they worked real good from 1776 to 2008…with a hitch in the 60s where immorality, free love, the pill, drugs, divorce, and the breakup of the family started the thread of morality unraveling. You can’t have a great country without the spirit of The Ten Commandments hovering in the hearts of its citizens.

This execution squad has probably already labeled me. But, the labels, they are a’changing. Republicans have moved left. Liberals have moved left. I guess it’s The Second Law of Thermodynamics, “the world is in a state of entropy,” or decay, or left-moving. Now the word “radical” is in the mix. It’s a swirl of words that represent belief systems, or “world-views” as Chuck Colson put it in his book, “How Now Shall We Live?”

One must watch the news all day to keep up with the swiftly changing currents. Dennis Prager had the author of “Heaven and Earth” on his radio show today, and I sighed with relief. Finally, someone is addressing the global warming hoax with a real scientist. But, suddenly KGIL has canceled all of it’s conservative talk radio programs and replaced them with music. The hairs on my arms pop up. Has the Fairness Doctrine begun? And we didn’t even get to fight it?

I saw a real fat girl once, slowly walking down the middle of an empty street in a “poor” neighborhood. She was eating from a bag of Cheetos. I was in my car at a stop light, watching her. I thought maybe no one told her that Cheetos make you fat, or maybe her life is so sad that that bag of Cheetos is the highlight of her day. Sometimes, Cheetos is the highlight of my day. I said a little prayer for her. Then, she dropped the empty bag in the middle of the street.

My empathy dissipated.

Statistics confirm the fact that most “poor” people have no fathers. My father told me that Cheetos makes you fat. He also built a gym in our backyard. We lived in a very “poor” neighborhood. Our house cost $10,000 when he bought it in the 50’s. The neighborhood then got worse. All of our neighbors’ houses began to look dirty and have five broken cars and beer cans in their front yards. Our house was always immaculate and our front yard always had freshly mown grass. My father took us to church 3 times a week. He read the Bible out loud to Grandma and Grandpa every Sunday night, at Grandma’s house, because Grandpa was an agnostic and wouldn’t go to church. My father taught me how to read when I was 5, so that when I started first grade I was the best reader. I skipped second grade. My father played the piano every night and taught us show tunes, and how to harmonize. My father taught us how to water ski. My father was a gymnastics coach, so he taught me a “flip flop” and I was the only cheerleader who could do that. My father protected us. He bought a bee bee gun that looked like a real gun, to scare burglars away. We were robbed four times. He said, “I could never kill anyone.” My father made us feel safe. He gave us confidence and a history and a future.

That Cheetos girl probably doesn’t have a father. And, no amount of government assistance, housing, food stamps, free college, or ObamaCare can give her that. She needs a father.

Obama didn’t have a father. Maybe that’s why he sees the government as Daddy.

My auditioning/execution squad enters the room and all my thoughts start to swirl away. The only thought that remains is that I must tell the truth. I only want the best for everyone.