Politico, in an effort to get some a real scoop from the White House Correspondents Dinner, wrote a memo with suggested questions its writers could ask attendees. The questions will shock you with their depth–but don’t worry. After each question, there are projected answers from each celebrity closely approximating their real thoughts.
Ready? Here we go:
Kevin Spacey: How would Frances Underwood behave at a dinner like this?
How the hell should I know- I’m an actor. I haven’t gotten my lines yet. Where the hell is my writer? (Yelling) Where the hell is my writer?
Kate Mara: How has “House of Cards” affected the way you see the Hollywood press corps?
I know so much more now. I can’t believe how amateurish these journalists are in real life. I mean, ask me a real question, like where I got these designer boots!
“Nashville” stars: Connie Britton and Hayden Panettierre: Does Obama have a good singing voice?
If that guy thinks he’s making one more damn guest appearance on a show and stealing our moment he’s better have one hell of a payoff ready.
Kerry Washington: What political scandal did you find most intriguing? In “Scandal,” the president and first lady are really on the rocks. Do you think the Obamas have a strong marriage?
How the hell would I know? I’ve never been married.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus: Who’s funnier, Obama, Biden, or Conan?
Oh, you sexist pig. Why aren’t you asking me how funny I am?
Tracy Morgan or Fred Armisen: Do you think Obama is funny? Would you ever accept the WHCD headlining gig? Why not?
No, he’s not funny. No we wouldn’t. Because there’s no way we’re going to get upstaged by some guy who has never stood before a live audience without a teleprompter.
Scarlet Johannson: Do you ever email with President Obama anymore?
Are you kidding? I’m on Anthony Weiner’s Twitter feed now. Why would I need Obama?
Nicole Kidman: How is this different from a Hollywood red carpet?
I’m not dodging Tom Cruise around here.
Navid Negahban of “Homeland”: You play a terrorist on TV- How does that affect the way you see stories like the Boston Marathon Bombings?
Now I understand exactly how those guys feel because as a working actor I’m oppressed, too.
Claire Danes: You play a CIA agent chasing terrorists in TV- How does that affect the way you see stories like the Boston Marathon Bombings?
Now I understand exactly how those guys feel because as a working actress I’m oppressed, too.
Ashley Judd: What if you run into Mitch McConnell? Will that be awkward? How was partying late night with the Obamas after the inauguration?
John Legend and Chrissy Teigen: How was partying late night with the Obamas after the inauguration?
Have you ever tried to tell a president that no, she didn’t bring her swimsuit?
Jon Bon Jovi: What was Air Force One like?
I’ve never been higher, man. Well … maybe a couple of times …
Any Downtown Abbey stars (Michelle Dockery, Dan Stevens expected) We heard you made a tribute video to Hillary Clinton . Were you in it it? First lady Michelle Obama watches the show- do you know if her husband does?
Everybody watches our show. If he isn’t, he better be doing something important, like responding to an overseas crisis like Benghazi or something.
Shaq: Do you think Chris Christie would make a good president?
As long as he doesn’t make Kobe V.P.
Olivia Munn: You’re hanging out with a lot of journalists tonight. Do you think “Newsroom” accurately portrays the job?
Nahh. These journalists don’t even know when I’m faking it.
Barbra Streisand: You’ve been at this event before. How has it changed over the years?
They didn’t used to give me the senior’s discount.
Conan: (before) Are you nervous? (after) Ask him to assess how he did/ Obama did
No. I was good. He sucked.
Harvey Weinberg or Spielberg: Who would you cast as president Obama in a movie? How about the First Lady?
As Obama? God. As First Lady? God for Illinois Senator, 2016.