#OccupyLOLStreet: As Protests Become More Futile, the Productive Sector Laughs

I was watching coverage of the Occupy Wall Street protests the other day and couldn’t help but laugh at how pitiful the whole ordeal has become. It’s almost become a cliché to note how the protesters go on and on about big business when they sport corporate swag such as iPads and Rolexes. Now, the burnout kids who started the protests are being co-opted by labor unions, the type of people who are so charismatic and idealistic they have to pay demonstrators to march with them.

Despite the sympathetic — even fawning — media coverage they’ve received, the message of Occupy Wall Street protesters isn’t being taken seriously by America. Take, for instance, a manifesto posted online by an early O.W.S. participant. This is the most laughable lefty pipe dream list ever. Here are a few of the demands:

Institute a universal single payer healthcare system. To do this all private insurers must be banned from the healthcare market as their only effect on the health of patients is to take money away from doctors, nurses and hospitals preventing them from doing their jobs and hand that money to wall st. investors.

Put more simply, they want free healthcare because saving money for emergencies will cut into their nachos budget. They lack the basic self-awareness to understand that cutting into the profits of hospitals will destroy the healthcare industry’s ability to improve equipment and competitively compensate the best doctors and nurses, thus giving incentive for doctors to leave their trade due to lower wages and higher work loads.

Guaranteed living wage income regardless of employment.

I call this the Slackers’ Investment Act. This is a way for them to make money and achieve their wildest dreams without any of those annoyances like hard work or self-respect. Plus, without an employer, no one would ever damage their fragile egos with heartless evaluations of the quality of their work.

Begin a fast track process to bring the fossil fuel economy to an end while at the same time bringing the alternative energy economy up to energy demand.

This one I’ve dubbed the Magical Unicorn Act. They believe that if we won’t use oil, then the rest of the world won’t use it and we can then sing “Kumbaya” together while watching the skies turn from ash-grey to purest blue. Yet I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen these kinds of folks cruising around in GM SUVs, cranking bad pop music out the window and sporting an Obama 2008 sticker on the rear window.

Open borders migration. Anyone can travel anywhere to work and live.

You know why the left continually demands this — shameless pandering to add illegal immigrants to the roster of Democrat voters. It’s akin to letting a robber come to your house, eat your food, make love to your wife, and then offering to pay the bill for the pizza he ordered.

Immediate across the board debt forgiveness for all. Debt forgiveness of sovereign debt, commercial loans, home mortgages, home equity loans, credit card debt, student loans and personal loans now! All debt must be stricken from the “Books.” World Bank Loans to all Nations, Bank to Bank Debt and all Bonds and Margin Call Debt in the stock market including all Derivatives or Credit Default Swaps, all 65 trillion dollars of them must also be stricken from the “Books.” And I don’t mean debt that is in default, I mean all debt on the entire planet period.

The reason for this demand is the protesters hate the very concept of consequences. I’ll admit that in my own obligations, I’m behind on a few things. Yet rather then go downtown and protest and stop cleaning myself, I’m going to work it out with my creditors and figure out a way to pay it off. A life without consequence is a fantasy not worth living.

Outlaw all credit reporting agencies.

Well, looks like somebody got a little too annoyed with those FreeCreditReport.com commercials.

Allow all workers to sign a ballot at any time during a union organizing campaign or at any time that represents their yeah or nay to having a union represent them in collective bargaining or to form a union.

On this one, you can practically see the tears flow for the Wisconsin public sector unions who sank millions of dollars into lost recall elections. Unions fantasize about these sort of rules so they can twist enough arms to increase the size of the union (and thus the number of dues payers). Perhaps this Wall Street occupier should not that, while Wall Street and banks can only take money from someone with their permission, his beloved unions’ dues collections are actually compulsory; it really is a case of the rich (i.e., Jimmy Hoffa) increasing their wealth by taking wealth away from the poor.

For all the silliness in their solutions to today’s economic problems, Occupy Wall Street at least recognizes that something must change in our economic policy for American industry to grow again. I think we need to lower taxes for businesses and find ways to get the 47% that don’t pay income taxes to pay so they have some stake in keeping the government accountable for its spending.

Also, we need to end this notion that job producers are the mortal enemy of America. Sure, they try to find ways to cheat on or hide their taxes, but the solution is for consumers to hold them accountable when they don’t play by the rules, not giving the government more power to cripple them. Were Occupy Wall Street to get its way and punish the rich through wealth redistribution, the protesters will only create chaos and hurt American business further. They should grow up, take a bath, and stop crying. Then, and only then, will we, the productive, self-reliant members of society, stop laughing at them.

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