The new Nicolas Cage movie—wait, don’t bolt!—is kind of fun, actually. It’s a cartoon vigilante film with a nice line in gaudy villains, and while it doesn’t make, shall we say, complete sense, it’s worth a look. Maybe a Netflix kind of look, as opposed to a 10-bucks-plus-parking-and-popcorn kind, but that would depend on the extent of your face-palming obsession with the wayward Cage oeuvre.
This time out our man is a sparsely goateed New Orleans high school teacher named Will Gerard. Will is married to a knockout blonde named Laura (January Jones), who is—why not, since it has no bearing on the plot—a cellist. One night, on a dark street, Laura is raped, robbed, and beaten. Will rushes to the hospital, where he’s approached by a strange bony man in a black suit and a severe buzzcut. His name is Simon (Guy Pearce), and he not only knows Laura’s name, he also knows who raped her. “We can take care of this,” he says. And there’ll be no charge—although Will may have to do Simon an unspecified “favor” at some time in the future.
Will could just say yes or no to this proposal, but, this being a Nicolas Cage movie, pointless convolution is to be preferred. Simon tells Will to indicate his decision by going to the vending machine in a nearby hospital snack room and purchasing either one or two candy bars.
This scene goes on rather longer than you might think absolutely necessary, but in the end Will opts for two candy bars. That would be a yes.
Read the full review at Reason.com