Let's Clean Up Free Speech Along with Other Pesky Rights
My Dear Friends,
There has been a wonderful idea from new Egyptian President Mohamed Morsi in his speech at the UN that Islam not be criticized and that free speech comes with a responsibility so it is no longer acceptable to denigrate a religion to do so will be a crime
I must agree!
So, from here on - I decree that to do so is a crime against humanity. I think this should be adopted around the world and absolutely here in America. We should immediately have all three branches of our government establish this once and for all! Every country in the world must sign on - no exceptions.
This revolutionary idea from the Egyptian President (part of the Muslim Brotherhood) is forward thinking and its time has come! So, instead of Free Speech it shall now be called Clean Speech (you know, like there are no longer terrorists, but they are now referred to as "those who have a grievance").
In the spirit of this new Clean Speech it will also be a crime if any entertainment or art form, in any way, pokes fun at or ridicules any religion punishable by life imprisonment. So all movie studios must sign a "never ever clause."
Since Islam is also a political system it has the unique position of being better than democracy - so because it is a just and peaceful religion - it will now also be a crime to burn the American flag and also shout slogans that are inflammatory toward Israel and the Jewish religion in any Muslim country (as has been the practice for as long as I can remember because we developed the oil industry there and it is not clean energy, anyway, forgive my digression).
So, getting back to point, if the American flag is burned or slogans are shouted such as, "Death to America: or "Death to Israel" to do so will be extinction from the league of men.
Also, any leader who speaks against or threatens another must be immediately be taken out of office and live in the country he has been threatening. We shall call this new decree the anti-Bush Bush Doctrine or The UN Lets Appease and Be Nice Plan or the BHO New World Order Policy.
Furthermore and with all sincerity and with "the love of all huManity in My heart," anyone using religion to attack another will also be punished - hence Sen. Harry Reid will be put in stocks outside the Capitol building begging forgiveness for his misrepresenting and using Mormonism as a source of disinformation.
We now will institute a truth-telling committee made up of the personnel of all news agencies - a kind of truth-finding team that if it is found that a politician is lying, that politician will also be put in stocks until they also willingly beg forgiveness.
Let it be known that from here on, according to the Mighty and all knowing Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahamamamdimwitajinadad who on CNN recently stated that all forms of homosexuality are against his religion or any for that matter (I forget what his is) but anyway it is decreed and accepted and given total support from CNN's Piers Morgan, that homosexuality can be cured or punished, whatever works best.
And Morgan also stated what a "charming man [Mahmoud] is."
So, starting today, all gays around the world must swear that they are not gay and will no longer admit to it (Don't Ask Don't Tell will not be allowed ).
Another amendment to this policy is anything deemed offensive to any religion, that act or behavior will be punished. For instance, if I am sitting next to someone and their dress is offensive to me - the offending party will be taken and clothed properly - for instance, no more short coochie skirts.
Also, woman can no longer have orgasms but must be solely used to create babies then discarded to a work farm.
Wherever the Ten Commandments have been removed, it now must be put back and those responsible for removing it or causing it to be removed shall be incarcerated for life in an Egyptian prison of their choice.
We are also bringing back prayer in school - pray to whoever you wish for 10 minutes at the start of the day - all atheists must immediately be put to death - there is no longer tolerance of a non-believer as it offends those who believe.
There will be assigned parking days - for instance Monday - Christians, Tuesday - Jews, Wednesday - any other religion and Thurs-Saturday for Muslims as there are more of them than any other and they would prefer it like that.
On Sunday there will be NO DRIVING.
Only those countries which have the most human rights violations will be able to vote and have a voice in the United Nations as the other countries are too frightened by the others.
I am pleased to announce the Iranian President will receive the Biden Peace Through Appeasement award for his annihilation of the state of Israel.
Also, there will be no sexy kind of movies as it is offensive to the tenets of our divine faiths - so all copies of "50 Shades of Grey" must be burned immediately. If you sneak read it while masturbating your hands will be cut off.
Also the U.S. constitution will be replaced by an new document called the Ayres Mosni Dinajad Death to America Bill of Rights -- it is being drafted now --- more tomorrow --
May your day be fllled with Joy - Shalom,