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PETA's Rock Star: Chinese are 'Sub-Species'


Aging pop star Morrissey has decided to pile on with the rest of the world, and engage in a little China bashing. With his recent remark he has taken the hate to a new level, by declaring Chinese people a “sub-species.”

If you’re young enough to fit into the limited sizes available at Aéropostale , you might not even remember who Morrisey is: he was the front man for The Smiths, the band almost single-handedly responsible for the music now called “Alternative.” The Smiths put out several gloomy pop albums in the late eighties and early nineties; before the band members hit a streak of sobriety, suddenly realized they couldn’t stand each other, and went their separate ways.


At the close of the century, Morrissey’s solo career fizzled. His gloomy songs were full of the self-importance and introspection that most Gen-X kids outgrew, by the time the millennium bug was all the rage. Today he frantically grasps for relevance, in a world that found his suicidal-girl tantrums tiresome a generation ago. He recently almost appeared at the Coachella music festival before the gross smell of cooked meat made him gag so hard he had to leave. Morrissey is now the darling of PETA, a group second only to Fundamentalist Islam for their ability to grab headlines and attract social misfit youths.

Morrissey declared the Chinese a sub-species for their mistreatment of animals. Which is kind of strange since China is home to Buddhism, the original vegetarian cult. China also invented soy and noodles and just about every other foodstuff that vegetarians require to keep themselves alive. They invented paper and were producing works of literature when Morrissey’s ancestors were living in caves and sharpening rocks for the hunt.

In fact, were it not for Morrissey’s ancestors’ ability to catch animals, they would never have survived long enough for things like soy to make it that far northwest. It was skinned animals that kept his ancestors from freezing to death, long before Morrissey could actually live on his current diet (which is obviously too high in soy-estrogen and a little low in brain replenishing vitamin b12).

As China moves in as the second largest economy in the world, the insults from liberals around the globe, have been quite forthcoming against the Asian superpower. In order to remain as a liberally favored nation you have to be impoverished. You cannot be a Favored Nation when you have well-fed children.

Personally I’m glad there are no children starving in China anymore, because now I can guiltlessly refuse to eat my vegetables. Of course, if their economy improves, and ours continues its plummet, there is a good chance that American kids might someday unintentionally force Chinese children to finish things they do not like. But that’s just fine. To wealthy liberals like Morrissey, it is better to starve children than to hurt an animal. I don’t know what species Morrissey considers himself, but I’m beginning to doubt that it’s human.

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