Wiki-Creep In Sum

So, as Julian Assange stews in a London jail, writers are trying to figure out who will play him in a movie. Suggestions include that Doogie Howser kid.

Me? I’m rooting for Steffi Graff.

Now, you know I think Julian’s a slime-bag in it for the fame. And the more fame – the more chicks.

Hence Assange’s problem now. Mind you: what he’s arrested for seems odd. I’m not sure what it is.

But, in part, it’s a hazard of rock star life. Sure, these women may be hardcore, leftist feminists – but they were also groupies who slept with him because he was famous. It was a transaction – a piece of his fame, for sex. Once they realized he treated them both like receptacles – it was payback time.

Assange is guilty of being a creep, sure. But if being a dude who uses status to bed girls is against the law, then mankind should be under house arrest.

Mark my words: in two weeks, he’ll be doing tequila shots with Kate Moss in a helicopter made of cocaine.

And I won’t be jealous. Not. One. Bit.

As for his defenders, a thoughtful blogger writes that it’s all about holding the U.S. accountable. Great. But seeing as I don’t do diplomacy, I rely on the U.S. to do it for me. So, now that we’re lauding the death of secrecy, who’s gunna deal with our enemies? Julian? Doogie? Steffi?

One writer also says that the leak’s contents are not the main issue.

Well, until they are… to you.

If you want to see what Wikileaks means to you, imagine if it had ANYTHING to do with you.

Last week, when it was reported that Bank of America leaks were near, I could hear hearts around here drop. Who knew: personal bank accounts matter!

What’s worse? Try medical records. In the interest of transparency, if I’m gunna date you, shouldn’t I know if you got herpes in college? Didn’t the left say the personal is political?

Look, I’m tired of people making this a huge “transparency” issue. Thank God Assange wasn’t alive during the French Resistance, or we’d be speaking Australian now.

Bottom line: the left loves Assange because he’s attacking America.

And our lives demand secrecy – whether in times of war, or warts.

And if you disagree with me, you’re worse than Hitler.

TONIGHT:

Nick Gillespie from Reason!

Leeann Tweeden from Heaven!

Joe Derosa from funnyland!

Read More Stories About:

Big Hollywood

Breitbart Video Picks