HBO Offers Sorkin's Show for Free

HBO Offers Sorkin's Show for Free

Our scene opens with two young HBO executives sitting across from each other, smoking furiously. One guy is slim and blonde, the other is slim and dark-haired. A plate of fresh vegetables is on the table between them, and while the blonde gnaws on a rather strange looking leafy green vegetable, the brunette gnaws on a piece of a carrot (organically grown, of course.)

Blonde:        They hated it.

Brunette:      What do you think, I’m blind? I saw the reviews, too. (pause) Will you just swallow the damn thing already? Your chomping is making me crazy.

Blonde:        Hey, bag it. I don’t want Michelle marching in here while I’m eating a cup cake … What the hell do we do now? All the critics hated the show. They always loved Sorkin before!

Brunette:      I know, I know. Everybody loved him.

Blonde:        What are we gonna do? Once the word gets out, the show is toast!

Brunette:      (thinking) We gotta get to the public before they read the reviews.

Blonde:        And just how do you suggest we do that?

Brunette:      (Swallowing hard) We allow the public to watch for free.

Blonde:        What?!!!!!!! We’re HBO, not NBC.

Brunette:      (reaching over to give the blonde a noogie) Think, McFly, think. You got a better plan?

Blonde:        (rubbing his head resentfully) No.

Brunette:      (eagerly) Look, we give it up for free. That’s bound to make people happy, right? Then they’re primed to like the show. We take a hit, sure, but it’s peanuts compared to cancelling the show!

Blonde:        (grudgingly) I guess you’re right.

Brunette:      Just one thing. Don’t tell Sorkin. The guy thinks he’s a genius and if he finds out we have our doubts –

Blonde:        But how do we keep it from him?

Brunette:      (thinking hard) Let me think … wait … we call him and tell him he’s been nominated for the Nobel Prize in literature and the Nobel Committee wants to interview him over there in Stockholm.

Blonde:        You mean Oslo.

Brunette:      Whatever. He flies over there, we air the show, and it’s over before he gets back.

Blonde:        You really think he’d believe it?

Brunette:      Get serious. They gave one to Obama before he even did diddly, didn’t they? Of course he’ll believe it.

Blonde:        Okay. We’ll try it. But one more thing.

Brunette:      Yes?

Blonde:        Next time you eat the arugula, dammit.