The System Worked

May 21, 2013: Apple CEO Tim Cook called before Congress to get a scolding for failing to pay more federal taxes than the company legally owed.

May 29, 2013: Apple CEO Tim Cook announces he has hired recently departed EPA sleazebag Lisa Jackson as, er, “top environmental adviser.”

It isn’t quite clear what Ms. Jackson will be doing in her new capacity, or whether the contract includes her whimsical workplace alter ego “Richard Windsor.” But rest assured she will collecting – as a senior level employee of one of the world’s largest corporations – a seven figure paycheck. Which, if honestly reported on Apple’s financial statements, will be listed under “Miscellaneous Extortion Payments.”

Nice work if you can find it. And if you are an Apple investor, take heart – Ms. Jackson’s salary is a bargain compared to a prolonged assault by IRS/EPA/OSHA/CPSC. Like any good American CEO, Tim Cook knows that “maximizing shareholder value” sometimes requires dishing occasional tribute to our moral betters in Capital City.

Just think of Apple as a taco stand in Chicago; hiring the health inspector’s sister saves a lot of headaches.


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