HOUSTON, Texas — On the “Daily Show” last night, Jon Stewart mocked Democrats for attempting to turn Texas blue. “You poor bastards,” Stewart said. “Democrats in Texas are like the drunk guy at the bar who won’t stop hitting on a girl even though we know she’s a lesbian.”
Making a jab at Texas’ education system, Stewart said, “Texas has been a conservative state since dinosaurs roamed it 6,000 years ago. At least, that date’s according to the Texas state high school textbooks.”
Stewart brought up Attorney General and gubernatorial candidate Greg Abbott, who Stewart pointed out has a 20 point lead over his opponent State Senator Wendy Davis. The “Daily Show” host poked fun at Abbott for posting a photo of a gun and Bible on his Facebook page, along with a caption that read, “Two things every American should know how to use… Neither of which are taught in schools.”
Stewart jokingly suggested that Abbott open his own school called the “Howdy Jesus Bang Bang Bible Academy.”
The leading candidate for Texas’ lieutenant governor, State Senator Dan Patrick, is also a staunch conservative. Stewart said of Patrick, “You couldn’t be redder than that guy if you took Clifford the Big Red Dog and shoved it into the Devil’s rectum. That’s as red as red can red.”
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