SNL’s Weekend Update: Trump Liable to Yell the N-Word on Stage, Hillary Dumped Emails Like She Was Flushing Cocaine

“SNL” cast members Colin Jost and Michael Che mocked Democratic presidential nominee former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump during the show’s “Weekend Update” segment.

Jost described the debate as “the series finale of ‘American Horror Story: Debates.'” He further stated that things were like Thansgiving, where everything was calm for about 30 minutes, before “your uncle had a drink, your aunt mentioned abortion, and your uncle threatened to burn the house down.” He continued that Trump is like Kramer, “high-energy, his plans are insane, and it’s only a matter of time before he shouts the n-word on stage.”

Che then said that while Clinton’s criticisms of Trump as dangerous are right, “but, you’re still only polling at 5 points better than him. So, let’s not get too cocky. Trump’s campaign is literally a full diaper, and 40% of the country is like, ‘At least he’s not Hillary Clinton.'” He added that Clinton got rid of her 30,000 emails “like she was Lorraine Bracco flushing coke at the end of ‘Goodfellas.’ Don’t pretend that that’s not suspicious. The only reason anybody would even have 30,000 emails is because they keep all their emails, and getting rid of them all at one time, is like going to a hoarder’s apartment, and it’s suddenly empty and smells like bleach, and they’re like, ‘What 33,000 cats?'”

Jost added that Trump’s accusation that the women accusing him of sexual assault are looking for their 10 minutes of fame shows, that because the expression is 15 minutes of fame, Trump is “so cheap, he’s low-balling them on their minutes of fame.”

Che joked that Trump thinks no one respects women more than him “because all his closest friends are Mike Tyson, Roger Ailes, and Gary Busey. Yeah, compared to them, Donald Trump is Tina Fey, I guess.”

Jost then said that Trump saying he would keep people “in suspense” about whether he would accept the election results is “like he’s still hosting a reality show, and I’ll tell you if I’m going to tear apart the fabric of our democracy, right after the break.” Jost added that Trump’s running mate, Indiana Governor Mike Pence (R) said he would accept the results of the election, “unless they’re gay.”

Jost continued by wondering why the media would rig the election against Trump, “the greatest thing to ever happen to them.” And asked who the media would rather cover, “a grandma who loves secrets or a human air horn who screams every thought in his head, and can’t swing his arms without grabbing a lady’s a**?”

Che said that “It does seem like virtually every media outlet is doing everything in their power to prevent a Trump presidency.” And the media is acting like “the sober girls at a bar, making sure the country doesn’t go home with that scuzzy orange dude.” Che continued that it was “weird” to just now say the system was rigged, after 43 straight white men were president, and “now you’re sensing a pattern of unfairness?” Che added, “An old white billionaire is on TV telling the world the system, and my black a** is arguing that it’s not. This just feels wrong.” He wondered how crazy it would be if Colin Kaepernick kneeled for the National Anthem, and Trump agreed and kneeled with him.

Later on, Jost joked about Michael Moore’s anti-Trump documentary, saying that if you’re a Michael Moore fan, but are on the fence about Trump, “you don’t exist.”

Follow Ian Hanchett on Twitter @IanHanchett


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