BOOK REVIEW: Greg Gutfeld's 'Bible of Unspeakable Truths'

A few weeks back, Big Hollywood editor John Nolte asked me for my address. He wanted to send me an advanced copy of Greg Gutfeld’s new book “The Bible of Unspeakable Truths.” I thought “sweet, free book.”

But if you’ve ever read, as I have, Milton Friedman you would know that there is no such thing as a free lunch. Everything has a cost. This is a simple fact. A fact I wish people who supported Obamacare understood.

Anyway, he wanted me to read the book and review it. A ha…not so free anymore is it?

Book reviews have always bothered me. Reviewing a movie or an album is okay because the written review criticizes a different medium. Whenever I read a book review, I can’t help but wonder how bitter the reviewer must be. After all, who wants to write 1000 word reviews of books for loser papers like the New York Times? Wouldn’t the same person, a person who has dedicated their life to wordsmithing rather have their thoughts printed in a fancy hard covered edition? Instead, their stuff is printed on something you use to pick up the presents that Fido leaves on the neighbor’s lawn. Book critics are bitter losers. I’m glad I’m not one of them.

This review is particularly strange because instead of reading this, you could have already read one of Greg’s amusing and insightful observations and anecdotes. Unlike most books, his is a collection of short little parables that use humor to make a point. Some of them are a page. Some of them are a few sentences. All of them are really funny and smart.

Like a good foreign film, the collection of seemingly unrelated little episodes actually work together to create an overall theme. The theme is summed up by the title. Some things in life are so obvious and true that we are either afraid to say them or think that because they are obvious, they don’t need to be said.

The current state of our society indicates that we actually need to say them. No, we actually need to stand on the roof and SHOUT them. Everything Greg writes about resonates like a note from Eddie Van Halen. While reading the book you will either be laughing or constantly nodding your head in agreement. Political correctness and the trend towards “civil” and academic discussions have erased from our collective conscious a little thing called common sense.

Fortunately, that rascally devil from Fox’s “Red Eye” sat down and took about four days (in my estimation) to write this handy reference guide to things everybody should know.

The book is for “grown ups” which means I wouldn’t buy it for your friends who work at the White House, Associated Press or MSNBC. There is some dicey language, and talk of porn and boobies and drugs and booze and unicorns. Coincidentally, this also pretty much describes the average day at my house.

Despite having chapters that are bluer than a Peyo cartoon (go ahead, Wikipedia it), the book makes a lot of fair and accurate moral judgments about our society. Greg does a great job of explaining the foundations of libertarian thought and numerous times points out the importance of morals and values in today’s world. I dare say he does a far better job at explaining what it means to be a libertarian than I recently did.

And he may be two or three percent funnier than me.

There are sections on politics, race, celebrities, health, the media, terrorists, sports and crime. Each one is as funny or funnier than the one before it. My personal favorite is entitled “The Difference Between Eastern and Western Medicine? Western Medicine Works!” My good friend Jack Daniels, who is my “wingman,” liked the section on Johnny Depp. Did I mention the section on organ donations? Yes, the book is that eclectic.

The book also features a really funny intro by noted libertarian scholar Penn Jillette (although they use the snooty term “forward” to describe it on the cover). There’s also a quote from Ann Coulter on the front, but I think that part is fake. It’s like when I put on the cover of my movie “Transmorphers” that Entertainment Weekly gave the movie a “B+.”

They really gave it an “A” but I try to be modest.

So, if you enjoyed my lighthearted, self-reflexive, yet insightful review, my “Gut” tells me you will like this book (eat your heart out pun masters at Variety). It’s a great read. And it makes a great gift for your moron leftist friends.

And, to quote the Master: “If you disagree with me, you are probably an homophobic, racist, hermaphrodite who hates bunnies….and unicorns.”