Stephen Colbert Calls FBI Trump Raid Christmas: ‘We All Got the Present We Wanted’

Scott Kowalchyk/CBS/Charles Trainor Jr./Miami Herald/Tribune News Service/Getty Images
Scott Kowalchyk/CBS/Charles Trainor Jr./Miami Herald/Tribune News Service/Getty Images

CBS’ left-wing The Late Show host Stephen Colbert says the FBI’s raid of former President Donald Trump’s home is like Christmas, adding, “we all got the present we wanted.”

“It may be hot outside, but in here it’s Christmas, because yesterday, we got the present we wanted: FBI agents raided Mar-a-Lago,” Colbert said to his audience, before blowing them a kiss.

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“That is the most beautiful sentence America has ever produced,” Colbert added. “It’s right up there with ‘We put cheese inside the crust.'”

On Monday, in an unprecedented act, the FBI executed a shock raid of President Trump’s home. The federal agents were reportedly focused on documents the former president may have taken with him from the White House to Mar-A-Lago after leaving office.

“I feel bad for those agents,” Colbert joked. “‘Sir, I finished searching the cabinet full of empty chicken buckets. Where should I go next? (Please don’t say the bathroom. Please don’t say the bathroom. Please don’t say the bathroom’).”

“So we know the raid happened, but we’re still not sure why the raid happened, because we don’t yet know what was in the warrant,” Colbert continued. “Think about that. We’re talking about the former president of the United States of America.”

“The FBI raids his home, and all we can think is, ‘Hmm, I wonder which of his crimes they’re investigating, because he’s done so many,'” the talk show host added.

“At this point, he can’t keep track,” Colbert continued, before imitating a police officer at a traffic stop” “‘Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?’ ‘Uh, let’s see, the bodies in my trunk, uh, the meth in the glove compartment, the back seat full of illegal spider monkeys who definitely got into the meth. No? Oh it’s the busted tail light? Fair enough, I was kidding about the other sstuff.'”

“Apparently the FBI raid is part of an ongoing investigation launched by the National Archives and Records Administration. That’s right, he’s gonna get taken down by the librarians, okay?” Colbert added. “Oh, they’re coming for you baby! They’re organized, they know where everything is, and you never know which way they’re coming, ’cause they’re so quiet. They are silent but deadly.”

You can follow Alana Mastrangelo on Facebook and Twitter at @ARmastrangelo, and on Instagram.


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