Talk about a disturbance in the force… That stupid-looking new Star Wars movie hits theaters next month and failed to rank on a list of the ten most anticipated summer movies.
Pretty much every movie scheduled for a summer release beat Star Wars: The Mandalorian and Grogu, including the new Insidious and Scary Movie sequels.
Toy Story 5 is number one in this Fandango survey of 6,000 Fandango ticket buyers. Number two is the new Spider-Man movie. Rounding out the top ten are The Devil Wears Prada 2, The Odyssey, Scary Movie 6, the live-action remake of Moana, Minions & Monsters, Mortal Kombat II, Supergirl, and Insidious: Part Ass.
No Star Wars.
The idea that a new Star Wars movie would not rank as number one on this poll would be shocking enough pre-Kathleen “Franchise-Destroyer” Kennedy. Not ranking at all? Not making the top ten? Ranking below titles like Scary Movie, Insidious, and Mortal Kombat?
If woke can kill Star Wars, woke can kill anything.
Also failing to rank is Steven Spielberg’s Disclosure Day, which hits theaters in mid-June.
A Steven Spielberg sci-fi, summer blockbuster ranking below Scary Movie and Insidious…? Sadly, that’s not difficult to understand. Spielberg’s run over the last 20 years has been fairly dreadful. Out of ten movies over two decades, only Lincoln (2012) and Bridge of Spies (2015) are worth a damn. The rest — Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008), The Adventures of Tintin (2011) War Horse (2011), The BFG (2016), The Post (2017), Ready Player One (2018), West Side Story (2021), and The Fabelmans (2022) – you can keep.
I guess Disney can take solace in the fact that its Moana and Toy Story 5 summer releases look like sure-fire hits. Still, Star Wars was supposed to be the cornerstone of its movie kingdom: two movies a year, every year, that brought in at least billion dollars worldwide. Star Wars: the greatest brand in Hollywood history, with the most loyal fan base. The golden goose of all golden geese. Then Disney handed the brand over to Kathleen Kennedy, someone who hated the brand, who thought it was sexist, racist, and imperialistic; who thought the brand needed fixing…
Well, she fixed it all right.
As far as Spielberg, he turns 80 this year and has lost touch with Normal People. Dude’s a billionaire living in the world of entertainment since he was a teenager. That’s how you get a piece of shit like the autobiographical Fabelmans; or The Post, which is laughably bad.
Maybe Disclosure Day won’t suck.
Don’t know.
Don’t care.
The only movie I’m anticipating this summer is The Odyssey.
Pretty much anything playing on Turner Classic Movies is more appealing than the rest.
You know, had someone told me in 1983 that we’d have new Star Wars and Spielberg summer movies as late as 2026, I would’ve been thrilled. What Hollywood has done to itself is really something.
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