President Donald J. Trump has not been out of office one year, and already there is so much Americans miss about him. Top of the list, apparently, is the Mean Tweets.
That explains the spontaneous eruption of vitriolic epithets percolating all around the country. Every one of them hurled directly at President Biden.
Mr. Biden delivers an important policy speech about Afghanistan, and he is drowned out by people screaming, “F*ck Joe Biden!”
This Bronx cheer isn’t just confined to The Bronx, either.
The guy rides down the road, and the streets are lined with people holding signs offering the same message. He attends a memorial service on the 20th anniversary of 9/11, and all anyone can say is “F*ck Joe Biden!”
Joe Biden doesn’t even have to be present for an outbreak of Mean Tweets directed at him. Chants of “F*ck Joe Biden!” have mercifully replaced the wave at college football games around the country.
Luckily for Mr. Biden, he is senile.
His wife — the visiting angel, Dr. Jill Biden — had to explain to him that, no, the whole world did not actually want to sleep with him all of a sudden.
“They don’t mean it like that, Darling,” she told him gently. “So put away your pomade and cut-off jean shorts.” Then she gave him back his little Corvette Matchbox car.
She didn’t have the heart to tell him he hasn’t needed hair grease since his tragic hair plug disaster back in the 70s.
After Mrs. Biden explained to the president that he had not, in fact, suddenly turned into the world’s sexiest old man, he was upset. The problem, he explained later, is there is not enough unity in America today. And he blamed the people who died on 9/11.
“And I’m thinking of, you know, what — what — of the people who died, what would they be thinking?” he wondered aloud to the assembled gaggle of confused reporters.
“They think it makes sense for us to be in this kind of thing where you ride down the street, and someone has a sign saying ‘F so and so?’ It’s not who we are.”
Okay, so that first quote from Jill Biden about the Pomade and cut-off jean shorts? I made that one up. But it’s a pretty educated guess about their conversation. Just call me Bob Woodward.
But that second quote? The one from Joe Biden? That is totally real. He actually said that. It is in the official White House transcript.
To be fair, it is entirely unclear what the hell Mr. Biden was trying to say. Even Jill Biden could not decipher that one. Either it’s all the fault of 9/11 victims that people everywhere are chanting “F*ck Joe Biden!”
Or, the chants are somehow an attack on those killed by terrorists on that day. Either way, it’s a serious case of “transference,” as we say in the psych business.
Senile transference. And, no, Joe, that is not some kind of new sex move the kids have come up with. It is just what happens when you stay in politics way past your sell-by date, and your family doesn’t have the decency to wheel you off the stage into retirement.
• Charles Hurt is the opinion editor at the Washington Times.