Brian Scalabrine's Wicked Awesome 'I'm Coming Home' LeBron Parody
He gets the palm-over-fist pose perfect, flashes the championship bling, and dons the all black suit for the occasion. Brian Scalabrine calls his article "I'm Coming Home" and even signifies authorship with the line "by Brian Scalabrine as told by Brian Scalabrine."
The Vanilla Godzilla gets everything right, which is what makes it so wrong--a ginger journeyman who averaged 3.1 points per game during his NBA career mocking King James, the Chosen One, the four-time MVP.
"Before anyone cared where I would play basketball," former Celtic Scalabrine writes on his decision to return to Boston as a broadcaster, "I was a kid raised in Enumclaw, Washington. It's where I walked. It's where I ran. It's where I did a paper route at age six. It's always held a special place in my heart."
"Before anyone ever cared where I would play basketball," LeBron James's Sports Illustrated piece begins. "I was a kid from Northeast Ohio. It's where I walked. It's where I ran. It's where I cried. It's where I bled. It holds a special place in my heart."
Scalabrine, after assisting Mark Jackson coach the Golden State Warriors last season, returns to Boston as a Comcast SportsNet announcer. The White Mamba will call games alongside Hall of Famer Tommy Heinsohn and veteran play-by-play man Mike Gorman.
"I have a responsibility to lead, in more ways than one, and I take that very seriously," Scalabrine explains. "I want kids in Boston, like the hundreds of elementary school kids who have red hair and no chance of making the NBA, to realize that there's no better place to grow up."