Dispatches from the Toilet: MTV Gives Dan Savage Sex Advice Show

Dan Savage, whom we discussed yesterday, is getting his own MTV show, “Savage U.”

Savage, the militantly gay columnist who coined the perverse fecal matter/lubing definition of “Santorum,” then hypocritically started a campaign against bullying called “It Gets Better” (endorsed by President Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton), will give college students advice on sex. As The Wrap reports:

Savage U” will air twelve episodes, each focused on a particular campus and its culture. The schools include the University of Maryland, Ohio State University, East Carolina University, Auburn University, the University of Illinois Chicago, Cornell University, the University of Oregon, the University of Central Florida, Rhodes College, the University of California Irvine, Texas Tech University and Tulane University. The April 3 premiere episode takes place at the University of Maryland. … “‘Savage U’ gives viewers something seldom seen on television before: an honest conversation about sex,” said Savage. “Sex is usually portrayed as either completely harmless, so everyone should do it, or unspeakably dangerous, so no one should. This is a real discussion about sex — the good, the bad, and the ugly — with all the risks, the rewards, the fun and the heartbreak that comes along with it. By talking candidly, we’re letting our audience make their own informed choices and feel empowered to seek out what’s right for them.

So let’s analyze what Savage’s “honest conversation” will look like. It will probably be something akin to his syndicated sex column. This week’s “Savage Love” featured a straight 24-year-old female whose fiance “has a fetish where he likes to watch women use the bathroom.” Poop, in other words. She knew about it, since she’d seen some of his porn. Can anyone say dysfunctional relationship?

---

The story didn’t end there. Her boyfriend wanted to watch her excrete, so he asked if he could join her for a romantic time in the bathroom. She consented. The glories of our consensual society were revealed in their full glory when he asked for sex on the toilet. Sadly, though, she couldn’t “deliver,” and her boyfriend told her to smoke a cigarette to prompt her bowels.

The pressure angered her (what took so long?) and she said so. So here’s her questions: should she have brought up the fact that this upset her with her boyfriend? Should he have pressured her? How can she approach the situation?

Now the logical answer here is: run for your life, you insane woman, before they find your head in a duffel bag filled with ferret droppings. Here’s Savage’s answer:

However excited your fiance was about finally realizing his watch-my-girl-take-a-s*** fantasy, he shouldn’t have pressured you to perform once it became clear that it wasn’t gonna happen. (And he shouldn’t encourage you to smoke cigarettes; those things will kill you.)

So the biggest problem in this entire scenario isn’t the poop-watching. It’s the request to smoke. Yes, this is surely someone parents should want their children watching for sex advice – and someone who deserves big money to do a TV show on MTV. And this is clearly a person who should be leading a vital effort to stop school bullying, backed by the President of the United States. Terrific.