Man: Female Jogger Defecates Next to My House…Regularly

Man: Female Jogger Defecates Next to My House…Regularly

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. – A Nob Hill man is hoping that surveillance footage will lead to the identification of a female jogger who has been repeatedly defecating next to his home while out on her morning runs. The man told reporters that he thought it was a one time occurrence and that the culprit was a homeless person. But video footage shows the culprit to be a young female jogger who has conducted her business at least four times…the first being on Easter Sunday. 

The man says that she always strikes on weekend mornings. He also claims to be the victim of “malicious fecal distribution.” 

Strangely enough, the man has not contacted police, fearing that they won’t take the complaint seriously, but is hoping news coverage might pressure her to stop. If she doesn’t, he may take matters into his own hands: “If it happens again, I’m going to run out there with a hose and hose her down and say, ‘Bad human!,'” he said. 

The good news here is that the female jogger appears to be regular…which is nice.