Inside the Head of Nancy Pelosi

Gourmet cheese… Adolpho the world’s most expensive hair stylist… Lake Como… Van Cleef & Arpels… Tiffany…

WATER-BLAH BLAH BLAH….

Armani… Cole-Haan… Private Jets with mahogany paneling…

WATER-BOOP-BOOP-BOOP….

Little Doggie sweaters… delicious, though insanely-overpriced-for-being-grown-locally California fruit… Chanel… The Galapagos Islands… AL Gore; President of the Galapagos Islands… Al Gore in big Moo-Moo whilst President of the Galapagos Islands…

WATER-WEEEGEEE WAH WAH-

Wake up.

Open my eyes and realize I am THE MOST POWERFUL FREAKIN’ WOMAN IN THE WORLD.

What I say; people believe. What I do: is very important. What I say and do, is MY BUSINESS.

I mean; did I really see and hear that briefing on that waterboa…..waterboar….wwwwww.. …that silly water thing?

Noooooo, wasn’t possible! I am a liberal woman! I am smarter than every single one of my fellow Americans! I am from the Bay area!

They’re all imaging this. In fact, this is all Bush’s fault. HE’s the one who instructed the CIA to lie to ME! Poppy Bush helped I’m sure. Wait, it’s bigger than that; it didn’t happen, and Bush forced the CIA to use that confusion serum they have on everyone at that briefing. That’s it!

I know they have that serum. That’s a briefing I do remember. They said it was used successfully at the ’88 Democratic National Convention when Dukakis was nominated. Willy Horton my…

– Beep –

Yes Chad, what is it? …

Gingrich sent a gift? Well, open it!

Come on, what the hell is it?

A TOASTER!? ….That S-O-B.

What? President on 2?.. Ugh, okay.

Hello….. Yes?

Yes Barack, how are you honey? Come in to see you?, … I am sorry “B” I can’t help you this morning…. What’s that? Well, sweety, as you know I am extremely busy and it just so happens that some underprivileged children are……. What? You’d like me to come in and bring an attorney? (Click)..

Hello….? Hello?”

That did not just happen.

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