Asking the Spirit of Reagan for Help

Dear Mr. Reagan,

I have a conservative dilemma and I am not sure what to do. When I have questions like this I usually ask myself, “What would Reagan do?” This is a tough one but I know you will have an answer for me.

I need a new car. My 1999 Ford Explorer has been an awesome friend and dependable ride but like my cat who was 16 when he went for the long ride, the Ford is nearing the end of the figurative and literal road. 183,374 miles when I pulled into the driveway tonight and I am not sure how many more she’s got in her. Just between me and you she’s not as fit as she used to be. She’s leaking oil and drinking more than she used to. She has begun to show her age, a few wrinkles and dents. I have to be honest I’ve been seeing someone younger. She Asian, all shiny and low maintenance.

Here’s the problem, if I get the car I want and trade in my Explorer I’m eligible for the new government CARS program. CARS is part of the Obama stimulus/green earth/socialism/behavior modification plan. In case you aren’t up on the plan here’s how it works; if you have a gas hog like my SUV and are willing to get into a smaller more “earth friendly” automobile Uncle Barack will kick in $4500 bucks plus you get the scrap value for your “clunker.” “Clunker” is new speak for any vehicle that gets bad gas mileage, is uncomfortable, larger than a Yugo, or could possibly run over a Prius and drag in along in its undercarriage. Under the CARS program your trade-in has to be sent to the crusher so no other unfeeling conservative will be able to buy it and create more global warming. The idea is cars sales go up, greenhouse gases go down and we all get to drive underpowered plastic cars.

I didn’t decide to get a smaller and more fuel efficient car because of this program. I already had plans to buy this new car. I had been to the dealership and had already begun grinding the salesman and sales manage on the price. I was just waiting to see if the manufacturer was going to offer and additional incentives on the first of the month when Obama decided to splash a little of his stimulus cash around in the new car market.

Here is my question Mr. Reagan; as a good conservative I don’t believe in handouts or welfare. I think the government is spending us into socialism and pushing us towards rampant inflation. At the same time the money Mr. Obama is handing out to buy cars is my money! Should I take the $4500 from the government or should I stand on principle and leave the $4500 discount on the table?

I know you will give me the right answer.