Multimillionaire Charlotte Church ‘Devastated’ by Outcome of Democratic Process

Charlotte Church protests

Multi-millionaire Welsh singer Charlotte Church has taken to the streets of Cardiff to protest the new democratically elected Conservative government, who she described as “the bogey men”.

Church, worth between £11 and £25 million thanks to a lucrative career singing elitist Latin hymns and classical music staples of the kind that are popular with the traditionally minded, joined the anti-Tory crowds on Queen Street where she angrily brandished a hand-written cardboard sign reading “I’m mad as hell and not going to take it anymore”.

Is it not yet entirely clear what plans she has to overturn the will of the people other than by employing the usual left wing tactic of speaking loudly into a microphone in front of a small but like-minded audience; an act she performed yesterday with gusto.

“This week the UK masochistically condemned itself to five years of Tory rule.” she indignantly informed  the crowd at a rally organised by the Cardiff Peoples’ Assembly.

“Without the Liberal Democrats to centre them they have no restraints, nothing to stop them from destroying our welfare system, selling off our health service, and even making constraints upon democracy.

“Iain Duncan Smith’s Department for Work and Pensions has already drawn up a list of areas where cuts could be made. All are controversial.” she said, adding “This is a government that does not care about its people and is only interested in cosying up to big business.”

Her concerted efforts to scare the bejeezus out of anyone who cared to listen as to what life under a Tory government might be like came just one day after Church had taken to Twitter to complain about the “politics of fear”. She also branded the new government “bogey men”, and Prime Minister David Cameron a “di**head”

Compassionate Charlotte, who only wants to see more money forcibly taken from workers and handed to the left’s chosen interest groups, later had a Twitter spat with Katie Hopkins in which she demonstrated her caring nature and public spirit by revealing that she would “relish [an] opportunity” to “smash her face in … for everyone”. She also called Conservative party supporter Hopkins a “parasite”.

Church is just the latest of a number of incredibly rich celebrities who have conveyed disappointment at a Conservative party victory over the Labour party in Thursday’s general election.

Comedian and man-of-the-people Russell Brand, a self-styled revolutionary who proves his credentials by living in a plush apartment in trendy Hoxton rented from a firm based in a tax haven, also revealed his disappointment at the outcome. Brand had for many months been telling his followers not to vote as that only encourages politicians, but during the last days of the campaign allied with Labour leader Ed Milliband and urged his fans to vote Labour.

As the results came through and the scale of the Conservative victory became clear, Brand released a video in which he claimed to have been “caught up in some mad The Thick of It” moment. The anti-capitalist anarchist has now been swept up by the new capitalist mood of the nation and has revealed his intention to trademark his spelling of “revolution” reformatted to include the word “love”.

Brand plans to smash the corporatist hegemony, wrestle with the establishment, and give power back to the proletariat by selling “trinkets” featuring the logo to the masses at prices starting from £30.


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