It’s a bit premature, but I’d like to be the first to welcome to the Republican Party those Sunrise Movement kids who confronted Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) about the Green New Deal.
Of course, none of this would be possible without the world’s enviro-loons and that 12-year doomsday deadline, which I am most grateful for. For a while, it seemed as though The-Weather-Fascists-Who-Want-to-Control-My-Life had smartened up, had figured out that deadlines that sound like a Syfy Channel movie — 2149: DoomsDayaSharkaGeddon — were a much smarter way to go.
You see, by pushing the Doom Deadline out to 2149, there is no way for an enviro-liar to look foolish because we’ll all die of old age before we can point and laugh at yet another false prediction.
But a 12-year deadline?
Oh. Hell. Yes.
And please do continue to make that 12-year deadline as famous as you can.
Thank you, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY)!
Thank you, lunatic Sunrise Movement!
Thank you for doing your part to create more and more climate skeptics, more and more Republicans, more and more reasonable people who will soon see through your tired-ass lies.
Not every one of the kids in the video below will see the light in 13 years. But sometime during the year 2032, a few of them will be living in their mothers’ basements enjoying virtual reality porn when it hits them: the VR goggles will fly off, a rubber woman will hit the floor, and a cry will go up: “Hey, I got hoaxed!”
This is a fight for our generation's survival. Her reaction is why young people desperately want new leadership in Congress. pic.twitter.com/0zAkaxruMI
— Sunrise Movement 🌅 (@sunrisemvmt) February 22, 2019
Stupid deadlines like these are why I now earn a living ridiculing enviro-loons. Yep, once upon a time, I was one of those Sunrise Movement kids being indoctrinated with the same lies — never to the point where I was abused by adults into storming a senator’s office to spout self-righteous gibberish, but I can still remember…
Teachers telling me nuclear war is inevitable under Reagan, the ozone layer will disappear in ten years, over-population will result in worldwide famine by 2000, we’ll be all out of gasoline in 1990, and not to flush the toilet unnecessarily because we only have enough groundwater to last until 1985.
What’s more, in my day, the Holy Sacrament of the Scientific Consensus was that the planet was cooling. Yep, we were a decade away from the next Ice Age.
Naturally, just like today, all of these lies were tied to a political agenda, a far-left power grab where the only way to avoid Armageddon was to give up our freedoms, surrender everything that’s fun, and hand our fate over to a centralized government.
Of course, I believed it. I was a kid. Kids are stupid.
But then, something pretty wonderful happened…
Americans refused to turn their lives over to centralized government, refused to surrender their cars and steaks, refused to stop flushing their toilets and having children… And still, all of these doomsday deadlines passed without incident.
No, no, that’s actually not true.
Something did happen: since the 1970s, America’s air and water have gotten much cleaner, fewer people are hungry, and we have an abundance of all those natural resources we were supposed to run out of.
Oh, and the ozone layer? It fixed itself.
Even with 118 million more Americans and millions more cars on the road, and a bunch more farting cows, as a child of the dingy 70s I can tell you in no uncertain terms that in the department of all things environmental, things are much, much better today than they were then.
Something else that’s improved is that these enviro-loons no longer scare me. After being lied to and deceived so many times, I am immune to the fearmongering, and that immunity brings me joy. What a pleasure it was to sit through Al Gore’s Inconvenient Truth in 2006 knowing that in less than ten years, all his predictions would be exposed as lies — and they were!
Back in 2008, when the media told us Manhattan would be underwater in 2015, that gasoline would cost $9 a gallon and milk would cost $12.99, it was déjà vu all over again. The enviro-liars in the media are so arrogant that while they were trying to scare us with this prediction, none of them moved their headquarters out of the same city they assured us would be flooded.
What a clown show.
So please do continue to scare the children with this 12-year nonsense. The year 2032 might sound like it will never come, but it’s only three presidential elections away, and when it does arrive and all is still right with the world, the scales are going to fall away from some young eyes.