Poor Joe Biden.
For nearly five decades, Mr. Biden has been getting everything wrong in Washington. He has always been a low-watt thinker with verbal dysentery.
Which is why he wound up as vice president in the first place — White Privilege Joe.
Poor guy, he is so slow he was the last person to realize that nobody took him seriously. He thought all the eye-rolls were just how everybody said: “Yeah, Joe, we love hearing the sound of your voice as much as you do!”
Droning on and on, the insufferable loquacity would have shamed even the Great Buffoon himself, John Kerry.
But if you are dumb enough, extravagantly ineffective, and willing to blow with any wind, you can make yourself quite a living in Washington.
Joe Biden might have arrived in Washington a half-century ago as “Middle-Class Joe.” But he is “Millionaire Joe” today. So is his dirtbag junkie son, Hunter.
White Privilege pays, baby! It might even make you the king.
The problem with blowing with the wind and running off with every loud mob is that you just never know when and where the mob might turn next. Especially if you were never all that swift to begin with.
This perhaps explains Mr. Biden’s obsession with saying the word “smart.”
Mr. Biden’s junkie son Hunter is “the smartest guy I know,” claims the elder Mr. Biden. That very well may be possible. After all, he has lived in Washington since before the invention of color television.
But Hunter is “the smartest guy I know” also sounds like something the family therapist suggested Mr. Biden say during their last junkie intervention after Hunter got strung out smoking cheese whiz in a crack pipe. I mean, there really was not any other positive reinforcement Mr. Biden could offer.
“Gee, son, you are the best at not sleeping with your dead brother’s widow,” was obviously not an option.
Neither was, “Man, you are so good at not grifting millions from corrupt foreign governments off your daddy’s name.”
Nor was, “Hey, kid, nobody is better at ignoring his illegitimate child in his memoir.” Okay, well at least that last one would have been actually true.
Now Mr. Biden tells residents of the Great State of Georgia that they need to “smarten up.” Now take that with a grain of salt. It’s entirely possible that Mr. Biden simply means Georgians should take up smoking cheese whiz from a crack pipe.
Mr. Biden was talking about the new Georgia legislation requiring people to present valid identification in order to vote in elections — obviously a racist attack on Black people.
We are talking fire hoses, snarling German Shepherds, and insurmountable poll tests. “Jim Crow on steroids,” Mr. Biden said — in all seriousness.
On second thought, it is entirely possible that Joe Biden’s deadbeat junkie son really is the smartest person Joe Biden knows.
• Charles Hurt is opinion editor of The Washington Times. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.