Blue Jays Pitcher to Canadians: ‘You Guys Sell Milk in Bags and I Don’t Really Get Why’

Terrance and Phillip

It’s neither the taxes nor the exchange rate that bothers J.A. Happ about Canada. It’s the milk.


“You guys sell milk in bags and I don’t really get why, or what you do then with the bags,” the Toronto Blue Jays pitcher told SportsNet interviewer Kristina Rutherford. “Other than that it seems like Canada’s doing a pretty good job. But I don’t get the milk. Put it in a gallon jug so you don’t have the sloppy, messy bag.”

The Illinois-born Happ surprised his interlocutor, accustomed to the bag custom, with his bewilderment over the packaging of milk over the border.

Canucks tell the hosers living beneath them that the bags make milk cheaper, easier to ship, and more environmentally friendly. But it’s not like the Canadians sell Labatt, Molson, or Elsinore in a bag.

“We need a memo sent out to all American players on how Canada dispenses its milk,” Happ suggests. “Would you prefer to have a gallon of milk or a bag or milk? You can pick up a gallon and walk out of the store. Or you can try to figure out how to drink your bagged milk.”

Happ dislikes Canada’s milk. Canada likes Happ just fine. The 33-year-old boasts a 12-3 record in his first season back playing with the Blue Jays after splitting 2014 between Pittsburgh and Seattle, locales where they sell milk in paper cartons, plastic jugs, glass bottles, and other Murican containers.

The American playing in Canada might consider the wisdom of an Austrian athlete. “Milk is for babies,” Arnold Schwarzenegger famously pointed out. “When you have to grow up, you drink beer.”

Bob and Doug McKenzie would agree.